


I Swore I Wouldn't Feel A Thing

by louisgrindsonharry



Series: Used [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Don't want to spoil the ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Louis hasn't seen anyone in the band in five years, M/M, Past Cheating, Sad, Smut, idk - Freeform, its good though, lots and lots and lots of angst, six years later, tears were shed while both writing and reading this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-19 22:18:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2404913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louisgrindsonharry/pseuds/louisgrindsonharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been seven years since Harry and Louis broke up, six years since Louis has seen any members of the band and he suddenly finds himself back in London, at a house he didn’t think he’d ever be at again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Swore I Wouldn't Feel A Thing

Six years. It had been six years since Louis had seen the boys, minus the awkward encounter with Liam at Tesco five years earlier. It had been six years since Louis saw Harry’s face, in person. It had been six years of seeing Harry’s face on every magazine and television, talking about his solo career. It had been six years, and still a majority of the people didn’t know the truth. They didn’t know the real reason behind One Direction’s big break up. They didn’t know about Harry and Louis’ relationship, and they most certainly didn’t know that Harry had cheated on Louis, with none other than Nick Grimshaw.

            It had been a long, hard six years for Louis. He didn’t  _do_  much. He spent time with his sisters, and he wrote some songs that he never wanted anyone to hear, but that was it. He didn’t keep up with the other boys, and it was tearing him apart. For six years, there were two gaping holes in his heart; one that Harry left- one that could never be filled (though that hole had been there for seven years. It had been there since Harry cheated on him), and one that Liam, Zayn and Niall left- one that  _wouldn’t_ be filled. It took six years of depression and heartbreak, but here he was, fresh off a train from Doncaster, knocking on a door to a house in London he never thought he’d visit again.

 

            He took a deep breath and hitched his bag over his shoulder before he knocked on the door and took a step back. He heard a child running around inside and his heart ached for how much he wanted to know that child, before the door opened.

            “Hi,” Louis smiled, voice almost at a whisper as the blonde woman’s eyes stung with tears.

            “Louis?” Perrie asked, voice just as quiet.

            He nodded. “Hey, Pez.”

            “Holy shit,” She gasped before she swung open the screen door and threw her arms around Louis’ neck, nearly knocking him off balance. “What are you doing here? It’s so good to see you!”

            “Babe, who is it?” Zayn called from inside the house, voice getting closer until he saw Louis’ face. “Lou?” He asked.

            “Hey, mate,” Louis smiled, unwrapping his arms from Perrie’s waist as Zayn stepped outside.

            “Holy shit, Lou,” Zayn gasped, hugging Louis tightly as Louis wrapped his arms around Zayn. “It’s been forever.”

            “Yeah, it has,” Louis nodded, clearing his throat so he wouldn’t cry.

            “Daddy who is it?” A small voice came from the door. “Kylie’s crying.”

            Louis and Zayn let go of each other so they could both see the small boy, staring at Louis through the screen door. “I’ll get Ky,” Perrie said as they all stepped inside and Zayn picked up the young boy.

            “Daddy that looks like Uncle Louis,” The boy said.

            Zayn laughed and quickly wiped his eyes. “Yeah Jason, that’s your Uncle Louis.”

            Louis smiled at them. “I’m so excited to meet you,” Louis grinned.

            “Daddy said you used to like to play in the game room with him. Do you want to come see it now?” Jason asked excitedly.

            “Jason, I think Uncle Louis might need to rest a bit,” Zayn said.

            “No, I’d love to go see it,” Louis smiled, letting Jason take his hand and pull him to the back game room.

            Zayn followed them and watched as his four-year-old son showed Louis all of the new toys, and games he’d play with, until Perrie came, holding their baby daughter. “Lou,” Zayn called. “This is Kylie.”

            Louis grinned and took the small baby from Perrie’s arms. “She’s beautiful. How old is she?”

            “Seven months,” Zayn smiled.

            “Daddy, since Uncle Louis is here and I haven’t met him before, can I stay up past my bed time?” Jason asked, looking up with pleading eyes.

            Zayn looked at Louis, silently asking him a question.  _Will you still be here tomorrow?_ Louis nodded, and looked down at Kylie, as Zayn picked Jason up. “Uncle Lou will still be here tomorrow, so you can see him then, okay?”

            Jason pouted for a minute. “Uncle Liam and Uncle Harry say you’re funnier than Uncle Niall, so you better show me that tomorrow,” He said to Louis, as stern as he could for being four years old. Nobody missed the way Louis physically flinched at ‘Uncle Harry’ but Louis smiled at Jason.

            “I’m much funnier than Niall, and I’ll prove that tomorrow, I promise,” Louis said.

            “Good. Goodnight Uncle Louis, goodnight mummy!” Jason called as Zayn carried him to his room, and Perrie led Louis to the living room, where Louis balanced Kylie on his lap and made funny faces at her.

            Zayn came in a minute later and sat down next to Louis, shaking his head. “I’m so glad to see you, mate, you have no idea.”

            “I shouldn’t have just shown up, I’m sorry,” Louis said, just as Kylie started crying and Perrie took her into the nursery.

            “No, it’s okay. I’m so glad you’re here, Lou. I missed you so much. Perrie, Liam, Niall, we all have,” Zayn sighed. “But what  _are_  you doing here?”

            Louis shrugged. “Missing you guys has been eating away at me for years, and I snapped earlier. I needed to see you. I don’t even know how you are, or what you’re doing and that’s been killing me.”

            “So you hopped on a train and took a cab to my front door?” Zayn joked.

            “Yeah,” Louis laughed. “Your kids are great. Perrie looks good,  _you_  look good… it’s everything I wanted for you. How are Liam and Niall?”

            “They’re really good,” Zayn sighed. “Niall’s still writing some music for people. He’s engaged right now to a great girl named Ashley; they’re getting married in a few weeks.”

            “Yeah, mum got the invitation,” Louis mumbled. “Liam?”

            “He’s great,” Zayn smiled. “He and Sophia got married about three years ago, and they’ve got a daughter. Kacie’s two.”

            “Good,” Louis smiled.

            “Louis, listen to me. Since you were eighteen, you were always taking care of us, always looking after us. And now we haven’t seen you in over six years, and you show up, looking like absolute hell, to be honest, and all you want is to know that we’re okay. Why won’t you ever give yourself the time of day?” Zayn asked.

            Louis clenched his jaw and shrugged. “I’m fine, Zayn.”

            “No, don’t do that. Don’t put those walls up. Are we not going to talk about him at all?” Zayn asked.

            Louis shook his head, keeping his jaw tight. “No.”

            “Look at everybody in the band, huh? Harry’s killing it at a solo career right now, and I know you don’t even want to acknowledge him, but I know that you’ve noticed that. Niall’s still writing music, and he’s engaged. Liam and Sophia are married, with a kid, happier than fucking ever. I’m married with two kids, and what are you doing? You’re not taking care of yourself, and I knew that would happen. You used to take care of us, and Harry used to take care of you. Now you won’t let anybody do it,” Zayn said, his heart nearly breaking at the tears welled up in Louis’ eyes.

            “I don’t deserve it, Zayn,” Louis whispered.

            “Louis, no. Don’t ever think that. Of course you deserve to be taken care of. You deserve it more than any of us did,” Zayn said, pulling Louis in for a hug.

            Louis let Zayn hug him while he wiped his face, refusing to acknowledge the fact that he was crying. “I’m tired,” Louis whispered.

            “You can sleep in the guest room, we’ll catch up some more tomorrow,” Zayn said, leading Louis to the guest bedroom. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

            “Thanks,” Louis smiled, hugging Zayn before he went into the room, crawled right under the blankets, and fell asleep.

            The next morning brought a crying baby, an excited four-year-old, and the noise of a house that actually held a family. Louis wasn’t used to waking up to that. His flat in Doncaster was always quiet, but he was glad to have the change. He woke up and got dressed before he went downstairs, where Jason immediately wrapped himself around one of Louis’ legs. “Hi Uncle Louis!” He grinned.

            “Morning Jason!” Louis smiled.

            “Daddy said when you wake up, that we can go to Kacie’s house!” Jason said, wide-eyed.

            “Well I’m up!” Louis laughed.

            “Come eat,” Perrie called as Louis walked into the kitchen.

            “Liam called this morning. Every few weeks, we’ll get together with the kids and catch up. He wanted me to come over, and I thought if you were up to it-”

            “Yes,” Louis cut him off. “I’d love to.”

            Zayn smiled and nodded as he got Jason ready while Louis ate breakfast. “It’s really good to see you,” Perrie smiled. “We’ve all missed you. Zayn tells Jason and even Kylie about you all the time. He’ll play some of your music and show them pictures… He’s missed you a lot.”

            Louis looked at his plate guiltily. “Yeah, I’ve missed him a lot. I’ve missed all of you guys. I just-”

            “I know, Lou,” Perrie cut him off. “I totally understand. It’s been hard for you.”

            Louis nodded and stared at his plate, ignoring the tears blurring his vision until Jason came running in a minute later with Zayn right behind him. “You ready?” Louis asked Jason.

            “Yes!” Jason nodded.

            “We’ll be back later,” Zayn kissed Perrie before he, Louis and Jason went to the car. Jason got in his car seat and buckled up before Zayn drove them to Liam’s house, calling Liam just before they got there. “We’re almost there, I just wanted to warn you… I’ve got a friend with me, okay?” Liam must have said something acceptable, because Zayn nodded and hug up just a few minutes before they pulled into the driveway of another house.

            Jason bolted to the front door as Louis and Zayn staggered behind. “What if he’s mad at me?” Louis asked.

            “He won’t be. Come on,” Zayn said, pulling Louis to Liam’s front porch.

            Liam opened the door a second later with a blonde two-year-old right behind him as he stood frozen in his doorway, staring at Louis. “Louis,” Liam shook his head, before pulling Louis into a bone-crushing hug.

            “Hey, Li,” Louis said, hugging Liam and patting his back.

            “You’re here. What are you doing here?” Liam asked.

            “Daddy,” Kacie whined.

            “Here, love,” Liam said, picking her up.

            “Just missed you,” Louis shrugged. “And I was dying to meet this cutie!” Louis grinned, bopping Kacie on the nose, making her giggle.

            “Kace, can you say ‘Louis’?” Liam asked.

            “Ooey,” Kacie giggled.

            Louis grinned. “Close enough!”

            “Came here Kacie,” Zayn grinned taking her from Liam and kissing her cheek as he walked into Liam’s house.

            “We’ve missed you, Lou,” Liam said, hugging Louis again. “I’m glad you’re here.”

            “Me too,” Louis smiled, following Liam inside the house.

            “Sof?” Liam called. Sophia walked around the corner, eyes getting wide when she say Louis. “Louis?”

             “Hello, love,” Louis grinned, hugging Sophia tightly. “It’s been a long time, yeah?”

            “Way too long. Lou, I’m so glad you’re here. We’ve missed you; Liam’s missed you,” She said softly, wrapping an arm around Liam’s waist and looking at Louis happily. Louis blushed, but luckily Sophia didn’t press it. “Can I get you some tea?”

            “I’d love some, thanks,” Louis smiled as Sophia kissed Liam on the cheek and went into the kitchen.

            “So uh, how long have you been here Louis?” Liam asked.

            “Showed up at Zayn’s last night. It wasn’t really planned,” Louis said.

            “Shit, I didn’t know you were here and Niall called earlier, he was going to stop by so we could run over some of the groomsmen stuff for the wedding and I figured that since Zayn would be here, it’d be fine,” Liam said.

            “It’s just Niall, right?” Louis asked.

            “Yeah,” Liam nodded.

            “Good, I want to see him too,” Louis smiled.

            “Yeah, okay,” Liam nodded. “Seriously, it’s so good to see you. How are you doing? What are you up to now?”

            “Not too much. I’m doing okay. I get to see my family a lot now which is really nice,” Louis smiled.

            Liam nodded as something that Louis couldn’t recognize flashed across his face, but he didn’t say anything. “You look good, Liam. You look happy.”

            “I am,” Liam smiled, just as Sophia came in carrying a cup of tea for Louis.

            “Thanks love,” Louis smiled at her.

            “Come on, let’s go outside and talk,” Liam said, leading Louis to the back door, where they joined Zayn on chairs outside as they watched Jason and Kacie playing. “So this was just a spur of the moment thing?” Liam asked.

            Louis nodded. “Didn’t really know what I was doing until I was on the train. And now I’m seeing three of my best mates for the first time in six years, all in less than twenty-four hours!”

            “Uncle Niall!” Jason yelled, running over to the gate as a car pulled in the driveway.

            “Shit,” Louis mumbled, under his breath.

            “It’s fine, Lou,” Liam promised.

            “Hey kiddo!” Niall called.

            “Uncle Niall, look who’s here!” Jason grinned pointing to Louis as Niall walked up to the gate and walked into the back door.

            “Louis!” Niall grinned, running over to tackle Louis in a hug. “Mate, what the hell are you doing here?”

            Louis laughed and hugged Niall. “Came to see you all!”

            Niall gave Louis a knowing look, but didn’t push it. “I can’t believe you’re here,” He sighed.

            “Yeah, it’s good to see you. I missed you guys so much,” Louis said.

            “Daddy,” Jason called, running over to Zayn. “Is Uncle Harry coming over too?”

            Louis stiffened and focused on the pattern of Liam’s patio as Zayn answered. “Not today, buddy.”

            “But why? Isn’t he the only one missing from your band?” Jason asked.

            “Yeah, but he’s still really busy and we didn’t really know Uncle Louis was coming so we couldn’t plan a big get-together. Why don’t you back and play with Kacie,” Zayn said.

            Jason ran off as Niall sat down. “So, uh, it’s been a while, Lou,” Niall said.

            “Yeah, I know,” Louis sighed.

            “Look, I’m not mad at you or anything, I just don’t understand. Just because you and Harry ended, didn’t mean that all of us had to. We’ve missed you and I don’t understand why you couldn’t give us a phone call, or a simple text,” Niall said.

            “Niall,” Zayn chided.

            “No, I just want to know, Zayn. He missed you’re wedding with Perrie, who he also adores, he missed the birth of your two kids, he missed Liam and Sophia’s wedding and Kacie, and I’m getting married in a couple of weeks and he couldn’t bother with that? I thought we meant more to each other,” Niall said.

            Louis had tears in his eyes as he looked at the ground. “Don’t you dare think that a day went by where I didn’t think about you guys. I never went and looked for stuff, but I still saw the papers, and I knew what was going on. It killed me that I was missing weddings and your kids being born. I’ve thought about you guys so much for six years that it’s been killing me. I still love you just as much as I did, and I’ve missed you so fucking much. Don’t think that I didn’t care about you.”

            “We just really missed you,” Niall mumbled. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to understand.”

            “Think about it, Niall. The best memories I have are of the five of us together. I couldn’t even think about seeing you guys after everything happened. It would have been too hard. Hell, it’s hard enough as it is right now,” Louis shook his head.

            “I’m sorry, Lou. It’s okay. Let’s just enjoy this now, yeah?” Niall asked.

            Louis nodded. “Yeah, this is good.”

            “Uncle Louis, come here!” Jason called. “Watch this!”

            Louis smiled and walked across the yard so he could watch Jason pump his legs and swing all on his own, while he pushed Kacie in the baby swing. “You’re really good at that!” Louis laughed.

            “Daddy taught me how to do it,” Jason said proudly.

            “Good,” Louis smiled.

            He played with the kids for a little while, watching Liam, Zayn and Niall have a conversation he knew was about him, but he decided he was going to have fun with the kids while he could. He’d missed knowing them, and he was thrilled to be welcomed so openly by everyone, when he came back into their lives with no warning.

            Six years was a long time, and things had changed. Zayn’s hair was less styled, shorter all around so it was easier to deal with. He dressed more casually and just seemed more relaxed in general, though they all were, now that the stress and fame had died down. Niall let his brown hair grow out and he kept it simple; he hadn’t changed much. Liam looked different. His hair was longer and lying flat on his head, completely unstyled. He had more tattoos, and he’d clearly eased up on his obsession with the gym. He was still in good shape, but he wasn’t just muscles anymore.

            Louis thought about what they saw when they looked at him. He hadn’t changed much, if at all. He hadn’t gotten a single tattoo in six years, and he kept his hair in a fringe. His style hadn’t changed much, and he assumed nothing about him looked different, except maybe the bags under his eyes. He was still too lonely to sleep well.

            Eventually, Sophia called them all in for lunch as Niall chattered away about plans for the wedding. Niall talked about every detail, and Louis was glad to see him so excited for it. “Are you going to come, Lou?” Niall finally asked. Louis chewed on his bottom lip for a minute, before Niall started talking again. “I still want you there, and I want you to be one of my groomsmen.”

            Louis thought about it. He knew Harry would be there. He hadn’t seen Harry in years and he never wanted to have to speak to him again, and he knew it would be painful to even see Harry again. But he also thought about the three boys, looking at him pleadingly. He’d missed so much of their lives, and it wasn’t fair for him to show up, then disappear again.

            “Yeah, I’ll be there,” He whispered.

            Zayn looked completely shocked, while Niall and Liam looked presently surprised. “Good,” Liam nodded.

            “Uncle Niall do I still get to carry the rings down with Theo?” Jason asked.

            “You bet, buddy!” Niall nodded.

            “I’ll take Louis to the shop today to get fitted for a suit,” Zayn said.

            “Damn, time is flying by… I can’t believe I’m going to be married in a couple of weeks,” Niall said.

            “It’s great, Niall. You’ll be fine,” Liam patted him on the back.

            “Jason, say goodbye to Kacie, we need to go,” Zayn called.

            “It’s  _really_  good to see you, Louis,” Liam sighed. “How long are you staying for?”

            “I’m not sure,” Louis shrugged. “But I promise I’ll be back, and I’ll keep in touch. I’m not completely ditching again.”

            “Good,” Niall smiled.

            “Ooey, Ooey!” Kacie yelled as she ran inside and wrapper her arms around Louis’ leg.

            Louis grinned and picked her up. “I’ll see you soon, okay beautiful?”

            She nodded and kissed him on the cheek before Louis handed her to Liam. “Bye,” Liam waved.

            “See you soon,” Louis promised before he went out to the car with Jason and Zayn.

            “Let’s go get you a suit for the wedding!” Zayn grinned.

*

*

*

            Two weeks later, Louis was back in London. He’d spent a couple of days with Zayn, got a suit, and spent some more time with the other boys before he went back to Doncaster. He kept up with the boys while he was home, always texting one of them or getting pictures of something the kids were up to. It was nice, and he was happy to have them back in his life.

            He went back to London a week before Niall’s wedding, where he was staying with Zayn and Perrie again. Jason was enamored with Louis. He was always talking to Louis, playing with him, or making Louis tell him funny stories about Zayn; it was safe to say the feeling was mutual.

            What Louis enjoyed the most, were nights like his second one back in London. He, Zayn and Liam were over at Niall’s flat, talking, catching up, and being friends again. There was something about the four of them being together that made Louis feel less empty inside, and it was something he clung to. Niall’s fiancé was staying with her sister the whole week, so the boys had the flat to themselves, and it was good.

            The doorbell rang so Niall went to go get the pizza, while Zayn went to get some more beers. “Are you seeing anyone right now?” Liam asked Louis.

            Louis shook his head quickly, “No.”

            “Have you seen anyone at all?” Liam asked.

            “Nothing serious,” Louis shrugged.

            Zayn came around the corner with beers in his hand, and his eyes wide. “I’m so sorry,” He said, shaking his head.

            “What?” Liam and Louis asked at the same time.

            “Fuck, don’t-” Niall called, but it was too late. Behind Zayn, was Harry, and everything in the room froze. Harry was staring at Louis, jaw dropped and completely shocked; Louis wasn’t much better. It was quiet until Niall finally broke the silence. “Harry, you said you wouldn’t be here for a few more days.”

            “I rescheduled some things,” Harry mumbled, not taking his eyes of Louis.

            Louis coughed and got off the couch, quickly walking to the balcony so he could take a breath of fresh air. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck,” He mumbled, breathing deeply.

            “Lou,” Zayn mumbled, closing the sliding door behind him. “He wasn’t supposed to be here. We had no idea.”

            “I know,” Louis mumbled, as they heard raised voices inside.

            “Why didn’t you tell me?” Harry asked Liam and Niall loudly.

            “Zayn, I can’t see him yet,” Louis said, breathing heavily and more unevenly. “I’m not ready for this.”

            “Lou, deep breaths. In and out,” Zayn coached as they blocked out the arguing inside. “Shit, you’re not over him at all, are you?”

            Louis shook his head. “I’ve tried, but his face is everywhere and I  _can’t_! I can’t stop thinking about him, and about us, and how fucking great things were, but mostly I can’t stop thinking about what he did! It’s everywhere, Zayn, and I wasn’t expecting to see him tonight and he looks the exact same as he always did and I can’t  _breathe_. I can’t do this.”

            Zayn rubbed Louis back as he cried and tried to take deep breaths. “It’s okay, Lou, just breathe. Shit, I didn’t know it was still this bad.”

            Louis nodded as he finally stopped crying and took a few deep breaths. “It took me six years to come see you guys. I wasn’t ready to see him tonight.”

            The screen door slid open and both Zayn and Louis’ heads snapped up, to see Harry standing there with Liam and Niall right behind them. “Zayn,” Harry pleaded. “Can I have a minute?”

            “No,” Zayn said at the same time as Liam and Niall.

            “Dammit,” Harry groaned. “Please?”

            “No,” Louis said, pushing his way past all of them quickly.

            “We’ll see you guys later,” Zayn mumbled, following Louis all the way down to the car. They got in the car and Zayn started driving back to his place before either of them spoke again. “Are you okay?”

            Louis shrugged. “I knew I was going to see him this week, it was just a shock. I wasn’t expecting that tonight.”

            Zayn nodded. “We didn’t know.”

            “I know. It’s fine,” Louis said.

            “You know I’ve been dying to ask you some things,” Zayn shifted in the drivers seat.

            “Go ahead,” Louis mumbled.

            “Have you talked to him at all?” Zayn asked.

            “No.”

            “Have you been with anyone else?”

            “Relationship wise, no. Sex wise, yes,” Louis answered.

            “Have you gotten over it?”

            “No.”

            “Have you forgiven him?”

            “No.”

            “Are you still in love with him?”

            “Yes,” Louis sighed.

            Zayn nodded as they pulled into the driveway. “I’m sorry.”

            “Nothing’s your fault,” Louis shrugged.

            “I still feel bad. You were always the one who deserved a happy ending the most, and you’re the one that got fucked over. I hate that,” Zayn said as they walked into the house.

            “Sh,” Perrie hissed. “I just put Kylie down.”

            “Sorry,” Zayn whispered.

            “You’re back early. What happened?” Perrie asked.

            “Harry showed up,” Zayn mumbled.

            “Oh no,” Perrie winced.

            “Yeah. I need to take a walk,” Louis half smiled, grabbing his jacket and walking outside. He sat on Zayn’s front porch for a minute, wiping his face before he walked around the neighborhood for nearly two hours. By the time he got back to Zayn’s it was almost four in the morning, and he was emotionally exhausted. He walked past the front gate but froze when he saw Harry sitting on Zayn’s bottom step.

            “Hey,” Harry said softly.

            Louis shook his head and clenched his jaw. “I can’t do this right now.”

            “Louis, please,” Harry begged. “I haven’t seen you in over six years and you’re  _here_  all of the sudden-”

            “I’m not here for you!” Louis cut him off. “I’m here because I missed the rest of the boys, and I’m here for Niall’s wedding.”

            “You still hate me,” Harry whispered.

            “No, I just still haven’t forgiven you, and I can’t be friends with you,” Louis said.

            “It’s been seven years since it happened… Six since we last saw each other and you haven’t-”

            “Gotten over it?” Louis cut him off, voice almost hysterical. “No, Harry I haven’t fucking  _gotten over it_  and I don’t think I ever will! How does someone move on from that? We were going to get married, and this was supposed to be  _our_  time right now! We were going to be out, and we were supposed to be happy! We went through so much shit for nothing! I fucking begged you to stay that night, Harry. I begged you not to leave and you walked out and had sex with, not just someone else, but Nick fucking Grimshaw. We started building a life together, so how was I supposed to get over that! The ink on my skin reminds me every  _fucking_  day of everything that we should have!”

            “You haven’t gotten your tattoos removed?” Harry asked quietly.

            “No, but you know what, I wouldn’t be surprised if you did. It’s fine. Clearly, we weren’t on the same page. I was way too invested in us, and you’ve had enough boyfriends since you came out that I’m sure you forgot all about me,” Louis said, running his hands through his hair.

            “I haven’t gotten any of my tattoos removed,” Harry whispered.

            “Well good for you then. Honestly, I don’t care any more. I’ll see you at the rehearsal dinner, and the wedding, and whatever else I absolutely  _have_  to see you at, but that’s it. We don’t need to be friends, and that’s fine,” Louis said.

            “Why are you getting so defensive if you don’t care anymore?” Harry asked. “Let’s have a fucking adult conversation and not lie to each other! This is bullshit. I haven’t seen you in six fucking years and all we’re doing is yelling? I just want to talk about everything that happened! Why can’t we do that? I never got that closure that apparently you did get. We never talked about it and I need that.”

            “I don’t care what you need. I stopped caring about what you needed, when you stopped caring about me,” Louis said, pushing Harry out of the way so he could go into Zayn’s house, straight to the bed in his guest bedroom where he cried himself asleep because of Harry, just like so many familiar nights.

            The next few days were long for everybody. Liam, Niall and Zayn kept Harry and Louis apart until the night of the rehearsal dinner, when they all just hoped everything would be okay. Neither of them told the others about the night that they talked, and when the rehearsal dinner came around, Louis completely ignored Harry.

            They went through where everyone would walk in, where they’d stand, how the ceremony would go, and where they’d exit. Once they all felt comfortable with it, they got in various cars and went to the restaurant Niall had rented out. Louis made sure he sat down between Liam and Zayn where he immediately started talking to Liam, so he could avoid talking to Harry.

            After they’d all had their wine glasses filled up and dinner orders put it, Niall stood up and got everyone’s attention. “I just want to thank everyone for coming, and being a part of these special days for Ashley and I. It means a lot to us that you’re all here, and we just wanted to say that we love you. So uh, let’s eat and drink!”

            Everyone rose up their classes and took a drink of wine, before Niall sat down next to Ashley and everyone started their own conversations. “Louis, it’s been great to see you, mate,” Greg said, leaning past Liam so he could look at Louis.

            “Thanks, Greg,” Louis smiled, ignoring the fact that he could feel Harry’s eyes staring at him.

            “What have you been up to?” Greg asked.

            There were so many other conversations going on that Louis felt comfortable talking to Greg without worrying about the whole group hearing him. “Honestly, nothing much. I’ve been living in Doncaster so I’ve been with my sisters a lot.”

            “Haven’t settled down with anyone yet?” Greg asked.

            “Nah, not yet,” Louis laughed it off.

            “Have you been keeping busy?” Greg asked.

            “Not really,” Louis admitted, before changing the uncomfortable subject. “Theo looks really good.”

            “Yeah he’s getting so big,” Greg laughed before he dived into some story about Theo playing football.

            Their dinner came and they ate in a loud chatter, conversations being carried across tables and through different people. Louis caught up with old friends and family of Niall’s that he hadn’t seen in a while, and it was nice.

            “Niall,” Maura called. “Let me get a picture of you five boys together again, yeah?”

            “Yeah,” Niall nodded as he, Liam, Zayn, Louis and Harry all got up and stood next to each other with Niall in the middle, and Louis and Harry on opposite ends of each other. “You guys want to come back to my flat tonight? We can just drink and hang out. I can’t believe I’m getting married in two days,” Niall laughed.

            “Yeah, sure,” Liam nodded.

            “I’m in,” Harry said.

            Zayn glanced at Louis, waiting for him to speak. “Of course, Nialler,” Louis smiled.

            “Sounds good,” Zayn agreed.

            Three hours later, Louis, Zayn, Niall, Liam and Harry were sitting around Niall’s flat, laughing with beers in their hands. They were reminiscing of their favorite memories, best awards and favorite vacations. Things were going well, except that Louis wasn’t able to drink away the nagging memories and the links they had to  _LouisandHarry_. Favorite memories: being put together as a band  _(Harry swinging Louis around)_ , nights at the Bungalo  _(Louis and Harry being inseparable)_ , the first tour _(Harry and Louis not being able to keep their hands to themselves)_. Best awards: their first VMA _(Harry and Louis hugging, even when they were told they weren’t allowed)_ , The Brits  _(Harry and Louis sitting next to each other)_. Favorite vacations: Camping  _(Louis covering Harry’s mouth as they both panted and came together, the other boys in tents around them)_ , being in their rented ship-house in LA  _(the week Louis and Harry had there after, never leaving each others sides)_  and the many times they were in Australia  _(the time Louis fucked Harry on their rented yacht)._

            Louis was no longer laughing, but nearly gasping for air as he drank another beer, and finally excused himself to the balcony. He sat on the ground and put his legs through the spaces of the bars as he took deep breaths. The sliding door opened and if Louis weren’t so drunk, he’d have turned around to see who it was, but he waited until the person sat down next to him and  _of course_  it was Harry.

            “I hate you,” Louis said, without realizing he even opened his mouth. “I can’t even look back at the happiest time in my life now, because  _you’re_  all over my memories, and you fucked me up beyond repair. So thanks, for that.”

            Harry nodded and sat there quietly while Louis looked at the ground. “I’m sorry.”

            “I don’t care, and I don’t forgive you,” Louis said.

            “I still have nightmares about,” Harry mumbled.

            “Oh,  _please_  tell me about the nightmares you have! Are they of me begging you not to leave me? Me begging you to stay because I love you and I wanted us to work out, and you still walking out on me? Are they nightmares about the day you told me you cheated on me with Nick? Did you have countless nights of sleep, because the bed was too empty and too cold? No, because you went and had a fabulous solo career afterwards! You were able to come out and still be loved. You were able to date whoever the fuck you want, and you clearly did! I lost track of all the men you were papped with. Yeah, while was crying myself to sleep every night for six years in Doncaster, you were out fucking whoever you could! So please, tell me about your nightmares, Harry. Tell me how you got the short end of the stick here?” Louis nearly yelled.

            “I’d tell you if you let me talk, but you won’t listen to me without walking out,” Harry said.

            “You walked out on me years ago, so why shouldn’t I walk out on you?” Louis snapped.

            “You’re not walking out now,” Harry shrugged.

            “Because I’m drunk and I can’t control my body,” Louis mumbled.

            “Right. Well I’m going to talk, so feel free to listen,” Harry said, glancing at Louis from the corner of his eye. “You want to know what my nightmares are? Everything, but not limited to, what you already said. Some other ones include our first official date. The first time we kissed. When you told me you loved me. When we moved in together. When we started planning our future- a life we should be living  _right_  now. I have nightmares about you being with someone else. I have nightmares about our week in LA. But the worst nightmare I have is of that night when you begged me to stay. I keep yelling at myself to turn around, because I love you. I keep screaming that I needed to stay. But no matter what I do, I can’t stop myself from walking out.”

            “Well you moved on pretty quick,” Louis sniffed, wiping his eyes.

            “Never did. That night was literally the worst mistake of my life. Since then I’ve just been trying to make things better, but it’s not,” Harry said.

            “It sucks having to live with the consequences of your actions, doesn’t it?” Louis asked.

            “Yeah,” Harry nodded. “No point in living if I can’t spend the rest of my life with who I want. Lou, could we-”

            “We’re not getting back together,” Louis cut him off. “I can’t even look at you unless I’m drunk off my ass.”

            “You’re talking to me though. And telling the truth,” Harry said.

            “What does that even matter?” Louis asked.

            “Have you been in a serious relationship since us?” Harry asked.

            “Not after you fucking ruined me,” Louis shook his head.

            “Do you still love me?” Harry asked.

            “Where the fuck did you come off thinking you could ask me that shit? I don’t owe you anything, Harry. It’s been seven years since you cheated on me and we broke up. You think I’m still in love with you? That’s really fucking conceded,” Louis glared.

            “I’m still in love with you,” Harry shrugged, like it was the easiest thing in the world for him to say. “I always will be, Lou.”

            “Well good for you,” Louis snapped. “I don’t care, Harry. We’re done. Seriously, I don’t even know why I’m still talking to you.”

            “Your mum thinks you’re still in love with me,” Harry shrugged.

            “The  _fuck_? You talk to my mother?” Louis asked.

            Harry nodded. “You wouldn’t talk to me, or any of the other boys. I needed to make sure you were okay. She doesn’t think you are though.”

            “Yeah, well I’m not. And I don’t need you fucking talking to my mum behind my back,” Louis spat.

            “Everyone is fucking worried about you, Louis!” Harry yelled, for the first time during the night. “Nobody thinks you’re okay! You’re mum is worried about you, Lottie, who fucking hates me for good reason, called me because she’s worried about you! Zayn is scared out of his mind, as are Liam and Niall! You never took care of yourself when you didn’t have to. You spread yourself too thin and I was always happy to be the one there for you when you needed it. I loved keeping you together. I loved taking care of you. But now you don’t let  _anybody_  do it! You blocked out three of your best friends for six years, and now everybody can see that you’re not okay. You have no fucking idea how guilty I feel. I broke you and I swore up and down that would never happen. I hate myself every single day for what I did to you but I never expected that seven years later, you still wouldn’t be okay. Babe you’ve got to let me fix you-”

            “No!” Louis yelled, finally standing up. “Don’t call me that and don’t try to fix anything. You’ll just make it worse.”

            Louis stormed back inside Niall’s apartment and yelled at them for letting Harry go gout there, before he went outside and called a cab to take him back to Zayn’s. Louis was sitting on the lawn in Zayn’s front yard later when Zayn got home.

            “Don’t ask. I don’t want to talk about it,” Louis said.

            Zayn hesitated but nodded. “Okay. Goodnight.”

            “Night,” Louis mumbled.

            As soon as Zayn went in the house, Louis groaned and laid down on his back, looking up at nothing in particular. His head was pounding and he was waiting for himself to just pass out already, but he couldn’t stop thinking about everything Harry had said. He hated Harry. He hated Harry for what he did to Louis, he hated Harry for making him the happiest person for so long, he hated Harry for breaking him, and he hated Harry for still looking so good, and for saying all those damned things he said to Louis. He hated that Harry had the nerve to say any of that. He hated that after all this time, Harry still had this power over him. It was something Harry should have lost a long time ago.

            Apparently, Harry still had a problem giving Louis his space, because a cab was dropping him off and he was walking over to Louis, who was still lying on Zayn’s front lawn. “Hi,” Harry whispered before he laid down next to Louis.

            Louis didn’t move, or say a word. He just stayed there, looking up at the cloudy night sky.

            “I get it, you know. I don’t blame you for hating me, or for being mad at me. It just doesn’t change the fact that I still miss you,” Harry mumbled.

            Tears stung Louis’ eyes, but he still didn’t say anything.

            “It doesn’t change the fact that I still think and worry about you,” Harry said. “Lou, you’ve got to get passed this. It’s been years, and I hoped you had. I want you to move on. I  _really_  want you to move on with me, and learn to trust me again, but I get that it’s never going to happen. Louis I was a fucking asshole. I was a jerk, and a prick, and you need to know that not every guy is like that. Not every person is going to screw you over. You have to trust someone again, because that’s the only way you’ll be happy. I just want you to be happy.”

            “Did you set out to hurt me?” Louis asked, voice quiet and sincere.

            “Of course not,” Harry answered immediately.

            “Were you in love with me?” Louis asked.

            “You know that I still am,” Harry whispered.

            “That night of our fight, when you walked out,” Louis asked, tears in his eyes and voice rough with emotion, “did you  _intend_  on sleeping with Nick?”

            “No,” Harry said, voice quiet and tears in his own eyes.

            “So who’s to say nobody else would do that?” Louis cried, letting the tears fall. “Who’s to say that the exact same thing won’t happen to me again? Harry, I’ve fucked guys since then. I’ve seen other people, and even though I never dated them, I’ve never come halfway way to feeling as strongly about any of them as I did you. I don’t want to trust someone else. I wanted to still be able to trust you. I wish you’d never fucked up! You know what I did four months ago? I drank straight vodka until I passed out. Ten years, Harry. It had been  _ten years_  since we started dating, and I couldn’t make it through the day.”

            “I was in Copenhagen,” Harry said. “I didn’t leave my hotel room at all that day.”

            “It’s a hard life, isn’t it,” Louis scoffed, wiping the tears from his face.

            “I just want you to be happy, Louis,” Harry pleaded. “Tell me what will help you get over this and be happy. That’s all I want.”

            “I don’t know,” Louis whispered honestly.

            Harry sighed. “I don’t suppose you could try to forgive me and we could give us another shot?”

            Louis nearly laughed. “That easily? Have you ever thought about how you’d feel if the situation was reversed? How would you feel if we had a fight one night, I walked out and had sex with Stan?”  
            Harry tensed. “I’d kill him. Then I’d probably never forgive you.”

            “So how can you ask me to forgive you? How can you ask me to trust you again? You think I don’t want to? Do you know how many times I told myself to just get the fuck over it, because it happened years ago?” Louis asked.

            “So you’re still in love with me?” Harry asked.

            “Fuck, is that what you want to hear? Fine! Yes, Harry I’m still in love with you. But none of that matters because I  _won’t_  be with you again! I can’t trust you so there’s no future for us. It’s that simple,” Louis said. They both laid there quietly for a few minute, until Louis finally spoke again, voice quiet, shaky and afraid. “Why wasn’t I enough for you?”

            “Shit, Louis, no!” Harry said, sitting up quickly so he could look at Louis better. “Please, no, don’t think that.  _Don’t_  tell me you thought that all this time?”

            Louis turned his head away so he could wipe the tears from his eyes. “I wasn’t enough,” He whispered.

            “Louis, fucking look at me,” Harry said, on the verge of tears as he pulled Louis up and forced him to look at Harry. “God, you’re killing me. Louis,  _I_  wasn’t enough! I got insanely drunk and made the biggest mistake of my life that night I slept with Nick. I don’t even remember it, okay? I hated myself for constantly hurting you. I hated myself because I was never home anymore and I hated myself for walking out when you begged me to stay! I was never enough for you and I can’t believe you’ve spent all this time thinking you weren’t enough. Lou, you were too good for me. You still are, and I never did deserve you. I still don’t. But I still love you more than anything, and I can’t let you think that you weren’t enough. Please, don’t think that.”

            Both boys were full on crying, Harry still gripping Louis’ arms, forcing them to look at each other. “It’s not just that,” Louis cried, sobs racking through his body. “B-before that. I w-wasn’t even en-enough to keep you h-home. You got b-bored w-with me!”

            “Louis, no!” Harry cried. “Stop thinking that about yourself okay? I got used to having you always there for me and I took it for granted! I didn’t treat you like I should have and that’s why I fucked up! I was only nineteen and I was stupid, okay? It was all me; it had nothing to do with you not being good enough.”

            Louis shook his head and dug his palms into his eyes. “Harry this is too much,” Louis sobbed.

            “Shit, Louis come here,” Harry cried, pulling Louis into his arms.

            “Don’t,” Louis cried, weakly pushing Harry away. “Don’t hold me. Don’t do this.”

            “Stop pushing me away, Lou. I’m trying to help,” Harry said.

            Louis let out another broken sob before he gave up and let Harry hold him. “Why’d you have to come back into my life? I was doing fine hating you.”

            “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I keep messing things up for you. I just want you to be happy, and okay,” Harry said as he wiped Louis’ tears away.

            “Harry I just need to go to sleep. We’re drunk, and I can’t think straight like this. Every time we talk, we’re both drunk and I can’t do this. I’ll see you at the wedding,” Louis said, pushing himself up.

            “Wait. What are you doing tomorrow? Can we just talk?” Harry pleaded.

            “It’s already almost five in the morning and I’m drunk. I’m just going to sleep all day and wake up to nurse a hangover. I’ll see you at the wedding,” Louis said again.

            Harry nodded and walked Louis to Zayn’s door. “Sleep good, okay?” Harry asked softly.

            Louis nodded. “I’ll see you later.”

            The next day and the morning of the wedding flew by. Suits and dresses were picked up and tried on, kids were cranky, but finally, it was the afternoon of Niall’s wedding, and the boys were all in the back waiting room. Harry kept stealing glances at Louis, who mostly ignored them; Greg was keeping Niall calm and fixing his tie; Liam and Zayn were discussing something Louis couldn’t bring himself to care about.

            “Guys, I’m so excited,” Niall laughed.

            Zayn and Liam both grinned at him. “I don’t know if I was more excited or nervous beforehand. But after the ceremony, it was definitely all excitement,” Zayn said.

            “Just don’t puke, like Liam,” Harry laughed.

            “Liam threw up?” Louis gasped.

            “Not very proud of that,” Liam said. “I felt better after though! I had a toothbrush in my mouth for ten minutes and I sucked on a mint during the ceremony so Sophia wouldn’t know when I kissed her.”

            “I’m not going to throw up,” Niall laughed.

            “Good, because we’re going out now,” Greg smiled.

            The boys all hugged Niall before they lined up and walked out the door so they could line up in the chapel. The ceremony wasn’t too long, and it was nice. Ashley looked beautiful and a few tears were shed, even from Niall. It was happy, and nobody could help the grins on their faces when they kissed each other after saying “I do.”

            They each escorted bridesmaids out and into the reception hall, where they took their seats at the bridal party table, and they waited for the guests to come in. Harry ended up sitting next to Louis at the last two open spots, though Louis didn’t give him a death glare, which was an improvement.

            “This okay?” Harry mumbled.

            “Yeah it’s fine,” Louis shrugged.

            Harry relaxed as the conversation carried on around them in the large room, until everyone had taken a seat, and the DJ asked them to be quiet. “Everybody, Niall and Ashley want to thank you all for being here today to share this special day with them. I’m proud to introduce for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Horan!”

            Everybody clapped and cheered before Niall and Ashley came out with grins on their faces, holding hands and looking happy. They hugged their families as the music started playing, and people started lining up to get food.

            The night went fairly well. The couple danced and everyone looked fairly happy to be there. Niall and Ashley couldn’t keep their hands off each other, always brushing fingers, holding hands or kissing cheeks. People ate, drank, danced and laughed, and it was good to be around old friends again. The later it got, the more people left, until it was mostly just close friends and family dancing, enjoying the time together. Louis watched Niall and Ashley dancing, Zayn holding Perrie close, Liam and Sophia, and even Jason was dancing with Kacie. It was cute, and it tugged at his heart, in both all the right and wrong ways.

            “Dance with me?” Harry mumbled in Louis’ ear, soft and extremely hesitant, like he was waiting for Louis to freak out on him again. Louis didn’t.

            “Okay,” He nodded, ignoring everything in his head that was screaming this was a bad idea and he needed to push Harry far, far away.

            Harry fucking beamed as he took Louis’ hand and led him to a corner of the floor, before he wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist. Louis sighed in defeat and wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck. “So, neither of us are really drunk right now,” Harry mumbled.

            “I guess we’re not,” Louis said, heart racing.

            “So I’ve got some shows next week at Sheffield, Manchester and Leeds. I’ll be in town for like two weeks. Do you think-”

            “Harry,” Louis cut him off. “I may not be so hateful towards you anymore but that doesn’t mean we’re getting back together.”

            “Right,” Harry coughed. “I’m just leaving tonight and I just want to know if I’ll see you again.”

            “I’m not sure,” Louis said.

            “Can I get your number?” Harry asked.

            Louis hesitated but eventually nodded as he and Harry stopped dancing to exchange phone numbers. “I should get going,” Louis stepped back as Harry reached out to him again. Louis could always read Harry, and there was no denying that Harry was hurt and upset, but Louis couldn’t open himself up again.

            “Okay. Well maybe I’ll see you around,” Harry said.

            “Yeah, maybe. Bye,” Louis said, walking away quickly to find Zayn and Perrie. “Zayn I need to go. I’ll take Jason and Kylie home now if you guys want to catch a cab later.”

            “Are you sure? You okay?” Zayn asked.

            “Yeah, I just need to go,” Louis said.

            “Yeah, okay,” Zayn said, handing Louis the keys. Louis went and said goodbye to Niall and Ashley before he took Kylie from one of Zayn’s friends, and he took Jason.

            “You look tired, buddy,” Louis said.

            “Am not,” Jason protested, though he yawned anyway.

            Louis chuckled as he put Kylie in her car seat, and he made sure Jason was buckled in his. The drive back was quiet as both kids were tired, so when Louis pulled in, he wasn’t surprised to see that they were both asleep. He sighed and carried Kylie inside, slipping her right into her crib before he tucked her in. He went back out and grabbed Jason next, lying him in his bed before he took his suit off and slipped pajamas on him. “Uncle Louis?” Jason mumbled as he crawled under his blankets.

            “Yeah bud?” Louis asked quietly.

            “Are you and Uncle Harry okay? Daddy said you had a fight a long time ago and that’s why you weren’t around. I don’t want you to leave. I like having you all here,” Jason yawned.

            Louis closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I promise I’ll be around a lot more often, okay?”

            Jason nodded and wrapped his small arms around Louis’ neck and kissed his cheek. “Night. Love you,” He mumbled.

            “Love you too, Jason,” Louis smiled, kissing the small boy on the forehead before he tucked him in and quietly closed the door.

            Louis took a deep breath and went to the guest room he’d become so familiar with as he took off his tie, suit coat, pants and dress shirt. He made sure the baby monitor was on and his door was open as he sighed and flopped down on the bed in just his boxers, and he was asleep almost immediately.

            He woke up late the next morning with his door closed and the house quiet. It was nice to be able to sleep in after he’d been thinking about so many things lately, but he eventually got up and got dressed, wandering out into Zayn’s living room.

            “Morning,” Zayn smiled.

            “Hm,” Louis grunted, flopping down on the couch next to Zayn and resting his head on Zayn’s shoulder.

            “I’ve got something for you,” Zayn mumbled.

            “What?” Louis asked.

            “You haven’t ever listened to any of Harry’s music, have you?” Zayn questioned.

            “No. Why would I?” Louis asked, more alert.

            “He made this for you to listen to; if you want. He said he’s sorry,” Zayn shrugged, handing Louis a burned copy of a CD.

            “I’m not listening to this,” Louis said.

            “That’s fine. He just wanted you to have it,” Zayn said, throwing his hands up in defense.

            “There’s nothing going on between us, Zayn! So maybe I don’t entirely hate him anymore, but I’m still not ready to go and be friends with him. We’re just being civil!” Louis said.

            “Louis, I didn’t say anything, okay? We all saw you guys dancing but I swear, we didn’t say anything about it. Honest,” Zayn said.

            Louis nodded and put the CD back on the table. “I’ve got to pack.”

            “I really wish you weren’t leaving so soon,” Zayn whined.

            “I’ll be back. I promise,” Louis smiled, walking to the guest room to pack his things. “Where are the kids and Perrie?” Louis called from his room.

            “She took them out for a little bit so hopefully they wouldn’t wake you up this morning!” Zayn called back. “They’ll be back soon!”

            “Good,” Louis mumbled as he packed the rest of his few bags, making sure he had everything he came with. He carried his bags out to the living room and set them down before he went into the kitchen to pack some food for the train ride home. Zayn followed him in a few minutes later and they sat talking in the kitchen until Perrie came home a little while later with Jason and Kylie.

            “Don’t be a stranger, okay?” Perrie said as she hugged Louis.

            “I won’t,” Louis promised. “I think you guys would all come hunt me down and drag me back to London if I started doing that again.”

            “Damn right,” Zayn said, pulling Louis in for a long hug.

            Louis nodded and kissed Kylie on the forehead before he picked Jason up. “You’re going to be good for your mum and dad, right?” Louis asked, mock-seriously.

            “Promise,” Jason nodded, hugging Louis. “I don’t want you to go again. I like when you’re here.”

 _That_  made Louis’ heart clench in a painful way. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”

            Jason nodded and let Louis put him down as Zayn helped Louis carry his stuff to the cab. “Do you think you’ll be okay now? Or even just a little bit better?” Zayn asked. “Kind of sorting things out with Harry so it’s not so rough anymore, I mean.”

            Louis sighed. “I don’t know. In ways, I feel better, but in some I feel so much worse. There’s nothing I can do but force myself to get over it, so that’s what’ll happen.”

            Zayn sighed but nodded. “Take care of yourself. I mean it.”

            “I will,” Louis said, hugging Zayn one more time before he got in the cab, and left for the train station. Once they arrived, he tightened his jacket around him and grabbed his bags, making sure he had his ticket before he got on the train. It was a long ride back to Doncaster, and he couldn’t force himself to sleep through it, no matter how badly he wanted too. So many things had happened over the last few days and he honestly didn’t know what to make of it all.

            When his train arrived, he pulled his bags off and looked around until he saw his sister there, wrapped in her jacket, waving at him. He knew he should have been happy to see her, because really he hadn’t seen much of her recently, but he was mostly just angry.

            “Hey,” Lottie grinned, hugging him.

            “Hi,” Louis said.

            “What’s wrong?” Lottie asked.

            “You called Harry. Both you and mum have been talking to him? You’ve been talking to him, about me, behind me back,” Louis glared as they walked out to her car.

            “Louis, we were worried,” She said. “We love you, and trust me, you know I wouldn’t have called him unless I felt like I really needed to.”

            “What was the point of calling him? You just wanted to let him know how shitty I’ve been for the last few years? What did you hope, he’d come over, apologize and not leave until we worked things out? That’s not real life, Lots. I can’t really forgive him, and I’ll never be able to trust him again, no matter how many times he apologizes,” Louis said.

            Lottie sighed and got into the car, with Louis right beside her. “We didn’t know what else to do.”

            “Well that didn’t help anything,” Louis mumbled.

            “Well I’m guessing you talked to him this past week?” She asked.

            “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. And I don’t want you guys to worry about me. I’m a grown man. I’m fine,” Louis said.

            Lottie sighed dramatically before she dropped the subject and asked questions about Niall’s wedding. They talked about that until Lottie pulled up to Louis’ flat, he quickly gave her a hug goodbye, and he carried his stuff up to his small flat. He dropped his bags and sighed as he flopped down on his couch and he looked around, not necessarily thrilled to be back.

            His flat was small, and always too quiet. He had no friends coming over, and nobody else to live with. He was always alone, and it took a long time for him to adjust to that- he  _still_  wasn’t used to it. He didn’t have anyone to keep the place clean or comfortable for. He honestly didn’t bother to take care of himself, because he wasn’t trying to impress anyone. He accepted the fact that he would probably spend the rest of his life alone.

            When he finally got back off the couch, he dragged his bags into his room and started unpacking, throwing most of the clothes in the corner where they’d sit until he absolutely needed to was them. He checked the pockets of his bag, and froze when his hand brushed against a hard case. He silently cursed Zayn as he pulled out Harry’s CD for him. He sat on his bed, starting at it for a long time, before he opened it up and saw the words on the inside, scratched in Harry’s familiar handwriting.

             _I guess it’s pretty obvious you’ve never listened to any of my music, which I get. But if you ever do want to listen to some if it, these are my favorites xx_

Louis stared at Harry’s handwriting, as he thought of every wall he’d put up to try to protect himself. _Never listen to Harry’s music. Turn the tv off when he comes on. Never look at magazines. Never ask about him. Monitor the radio carefully._

            So far, he’d done an amazing job of all sticking to all of his rules, except for looking at magazines. He never opened them, but of course when he was waiting in line at Tesco, Harry would be on the cover of a new tabloid, usually with another guy, and Louis couldn’t help but to stare. But that was it. One thing he’d never, ever done, was listen to Harry’s music. He had too many memories linked to Harry’s voice, songs they wrote together, and happy memories of their relationships. He was afraid of what it would to do him to listen to Harry singing again, and until an hour ago, he never planned to find out.

            But suddenly the music was right in his hand, songs picked specifically for him by Harry, and his laptop was right there, and curiosity was getting the best of him. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Zayn.

             _If this CD breaks me again, good luck putting the pieces back together._

            He switched his phone to silent as he put the CD in with shaky hands and waited for it to load before he played it. He knew the first song, and it had him crying in record time. Don’t Let Me Go was always an emotional song for Louis because it had been such a rough time in his and Harry’s relationship, but somehow, Harry fixed it with that one song, and they were able to work through it. He hadn’t heard the song in years, so he listened to the whole things, lying curled up in his bed, under his blankets like he was a little kid again. There were fifteen songs on this CD, and Louis knew he should stop before he heard anything else, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

            Just over an hour later, Louis had cried more than he ever imagined was possible. He cried through fifteen songs, and just when he stopped, Harry sang a line like  _And if you could find it in yourself to forgive me, I swear I’d never let you down again._ Or _I’d spend the rest of my life, trying to make it up to you, to give you what you always deserved._ Or something like  _I hope you’re happy, that’s all I want. That’s all I think about, when I’m lying in bed, restless because you’re not beside me._

Harry was always good with words, and Louis envied him for that, but right now, he completely hated Harry’s ability to write such emotional songs about how he felt. He hated how Harry poured out his heart and soul into these songs, when clearly they were all too, about and for Louis. He hated that he had the audacity to put a few of these songs on each of his four albums, and how he was still dating other men the whole time.

            After all of the songs were done, Louis closed his laptop and rolled over, finally looking at his phone, scrolling through the various messages, mostly from Zayn, but a few from Liam and one from Niall. He ignored them all and just decided to call Zayn instead.

            “Lou?” Zayn answered immediately.

            “I hate you. Why the fuck would you put that CD in my bag, Zayn? You guys knew about all of these songs, didn’t you?” Louis asked, voice rough with the tears he’d been crying.

            “Yeah we knew about the songs. We all listen to his music,” Zayn said quietly.

            “Why’d you put it in my bag?” Louis asked.

            “Louis, I’m not asking for you to forgive him, and give him a second chance. I’m not asking for you to put yourself out there to him again. But Liam, Niall and I know how sorry he is for what he did. We spent a lot of nights with him drunk on our couches while he cried over losing you, and it was fucking heartbreaking, mate. I just think you needed to know everything. I’m not asking that to change your mind about anything, but those songs are sincere,” Zayn said. “You’re still in love with him. I don’t know how over seven years of not being together, you’re still in love with each other, but you are. I promise I’m not trying to meddle in your lives, I just wanted you to hear the songs so you knew how he felt. He’s still so fucking in love with you, and he’s sorry for what he did. Whatever decision you make now, I’ll respect and I’ll be by your side through it all, okay?”

            Louis cleared his throat, “Yeah, okay. I’ve got to go but I’ll call you later.”

            “Okay, By Lou,” Zayn said, hanging up the phone.

            Louis spent three days in his flat with Harry’s CD on repeat, before he decided he was wasting his fucking time, and he was being immature. He was twenty-nine years old, and he was most certainly not acting like it. He decided he needed to man the fuck up, and go figure things out. Harry was in town for another week in a half, and Louis wasn’t going to let that go to waste, because clearly, he’d always be head over heels for this boy, and he wasn’t letting him go when they still had so many more things to talk about. He made his decision, packed a small backpack and was out the door less than twenty minutes later. Doncaster was only about half and hour from Sheffield where Harry was, so Louis got in his car, and sent a text to Zayn and Liam, before he left.

             _I’m out of my fucking mind._

When Louis got to Sheffield, he realized how crazy and stupid he was for making last minute decisions like this, and he had no idea where Harry was staying. He had a few unread texts and missed calls from Zayn, but he ignored them all to send Harry a text.

             _Are you still in Sheffield? I’m here._

He got a response before he could even read through Zayn’s texts. It was the address to a hotel, and directions to tell the security his name when he got there, that they’d bring him to Harry’s room. He took a deep breath, then drove to the address before he could talk himself out of it. He pulled up and rolled his eyes at the fact that there were still people outside of Harry’s hotel, but he slipped the hood on and walked past them and to the front entrance. He spotted the men from Harry’s security team, and he took a shaky breath before he went up to one of them.

            “Hi, I’m Louis Tomlinson, and I’m here to see Harry,” He said, shifting uncomfortably because he’d never done this before and it felt awkward.

            “Yeah, come with me,” The man said, leading Louis into an elevator and pressing the button to the top floor. They got there and the same man led Louis to the last room in the hallway before he pointed at the door and walked away. Louis knew he had approximately ten seconds before he talked himself out of this, so he quickly knocked on Harry’s door and took a step back.

            The door opened a minute later, Harry standing there in loose track pants and a white t-shirt, with his hair still messy. “Hi,” Harry said with a small smile on his face, but reluctantly, like he couldn’t believe Louis was standing there.

            “Hey,” Louis smiled softly.

            “Do you want to come in?” Harry asked, stepping aside.

            Louis bit his bottom lip and nodded, walking inside of Harry’s suite where he sat down on the couch. “Nice view,” Louis said, looking out the floor-to-ceiling window.

            “Yeah,” Harry nodded, walking over to sit on the other side of the couch.

            They both sat there awkwardly and quiet for a few minutes, until Louis finally spoke. “I listened to that CD. I actually haven’t stopped listening to it for three days.”

            “Oh,” Harry said.

            “Yeah,” Louis nodded. “And now I’m here, so.”

            “Are you here to yell at me some more?” Harry asked quietly.

            “No,” Louis shook his head. “I don’t even know why I’m here or what I’m doing or what I want. I’m serious Harry, I have no idea what’s going to happen.”           

            Harry nodded. “But you’re here.”

            “Yeah, I am,” Louis nodded. “Do you have a show tonight?”

            “Yeah, I’ve got to leave in about an hour for sound check, but I don’t have a show tomorrow,” Harry said.

            “Okay,” Louis nodded.

            “Do you want to talk until I need to go? You can come to the show tonight if you want. I’ll have some time after sound check and after meet and greet. It’s not nearly as fun being there alone,” Harry mumbled.

            “Yeah, okay. There’s just a lot going on in my head right now and I have so many questions,” Louis said.

            “Ask anything, I swear I’ll be completely honest,” Harry said quickly.

            “I don’t want to fight though. We’re adults and I know I’ve been aggressive-”

            “You’ve had every right to be,” Harry cut in.

            “Well I don’t want to be like that anymore. Just truth, communication and talking. You can ask me stuff too,” Louis said.

            Harry nodded. “Go ahead.”

            “I have so many things I want to know. How many guys have you actually dated since we broke up?” Louis asked.

            “Well to be honest, I hooked up with them more than I really dated them. I only really dated two guys, but I had a few like… guys that I’d have sex with and they were fine with being seen with me, but it wasn’t ever anything big. But yeah, I only had two relationships,” Harry said.

            “Were you in love with them?” Louis asked.

            “No,” Harry answered immediately. “My first relationship lasted six months, and my other one lasted four. I ended it with both of them because I was still thinking about you.”

            Louis nodded and twisted his fingers together. “Okay.”

            “Have you dated?” Harry asked.

            “No. I’ve had sex, but I haven’t dated anyone,” Louis said, shaking his head. Harry nodded and waited for Louis to continue. “What happened the night after you walked out?”

            Harry clenched his jaw, thinking back on the memory. “I went to Nick’s and told him what happened. I almost went to Zayn or Liam’s, but I knew they’d all tell me how wrong and stupid I was being, but I already knew that, and I didn’t want to hear it again. I laid in his guest room for a week before he dragged me out. Nick and I went out drinking, and I got  _so_  drunk, Louis.  I don’t remember too much, but I remember dancing with Nick, then taking a cab back to his place, and him kissing me once we were inside. Things escalated and I woke up the next morning in his bed with a massive hangover. I didn’t talk to him for days after that, and I didn’t want to tell you, but I knew I had to.”

            Louis nodded sharply. “And after you told me?”

            “I went to Ed’s place for a while. Liam, Niall and Zayn wouldn’t talk to me. Ed hardly would, but I didn’t want to be alone. Eventually I bought a bed and I stayed at my house. I think I hated myself more than you did. I wasn’t okay. And I’m still not completely okay. I can’t believe I did something like that, and I’ve hated myself for it since then,” Harry said.

            “I don’t hate you. Harry, I never hated you. I was so, so unbelievably angry with you, and I wanted to hate you, but I never did. So you shouldn’t hate yourself either, okay?” Louis asked.

            “I didn’t realize how bad it was,” Harry whispered. “I thought by now, you’d have been long over me, and I thought at least you’d be okay. I hoped you found someone else; someone who treated you right. But when I saw you, and that night you said all of those things to me… Louis, how the fuck am I supposed to forgive myself? I don’t expect you to forgive me, and I can’t stop thinking about how hurt you were…I knew you loved me but I didn’t realize you loved me so much that you’d still be torn up over it seven years later.”

            “Why did you doubt how much I was in love with you? What wasn’t I doing enough of to show you how permanent we were? I inked my skin for you, and we went through hell and back so we could be together. Why wouldn’t you think I wasn’t completely gone for you? Even right now, it’s been seven years since we were in a relationship and I’m in your hotel room right now talking about this- I’m still totally gone for you,” Louis said.

            Harry had tears in his eyes and he clenched his jaw. “You shouldn’t be.”

            “Hell, I know that. But it doesn’t change the fact that I am. I’m here and we’re talking about things and that’s good, okay?” Louis said.

            Harry nodded and quickly wiped his eyes. “Keep asking. This is good.”

            “Did you write all of those songs?” Louis asked.

            “Every one of them. I think I knew you weren’t listening to my music, but I hoped you’d hear one of them. When I saw you though, I knew you hadn’t. I made the CD and gave it to Zayn, asking him to give it to you,” Harry said.

            “Were you ever asked about us after you came out?” Louis asked.

            Harry shrugged and nodded. “I brushed it off and said we were always just friends.”

            “You’re still in love with me?”

            Harry nodded. “Have been since the day I laid eyes on you in the toilets ten and a half years ago.”

            “What ever happened between you and Nick?” Louis asked, realizing his questions were all over the place but he’d been dying to ask these questions for years and he needed to hear the answers.

            “Nothing. That’s another reason I hated myself. You were right; all that time, and all those fights we had about him, and you were right. After he found out we broke up, he tried to talk to me but I wouldn’t have anything to do with him. I haven’t talked to him in years,” Harry said.

            “You never hooked up with him again?” Louis asked.

            “No,” Harry promised.

            “Okay, good,” Louis nodded.

            “When did you move back to Doncaster?” Harry asked.

            “Like five years ago. London became too much,” Louis said.

            “And you really haven’t been doing much?” Harry asked.

            “Honestly, no. I don’t really know what to do,” Louis shrugged.

            Harry sighed. “Well right now you can come with me to sound check, okay?”

            Louis nodded and followed Harry out the door, and down to the lobby where they were quickly escorted into a car that took them to the arena. Harry kept stealing glances at Louis and twisting his fingers together, like he was just itching to touch Louis. Louis kept his arms folded across his stomach as he mostly looked out the window, but caught Harry’s eye every so often, giving him a small smile.

            When they got to the arena, the car pulled up around the back and Harry went inside, making sure Louis was right behind him as they walked into his dressing room. “Do you want to come watch sound check?”

            “I should actually go call Zayn. I think he’s freaking out,” Louis said. “I’ll just hang out here in your room.”

            “Okay, I should be back in like an hour,” Harry said, hesitating before he finally turned around and walked out.

            Louis sat down on the couch and finally checked his phone, wincing when he saw all the texts, missed calls and voicemails, mostly from Zayn, a few from Liam, and one from Niall. He read through them all and listened to the messages before he dialed Zayn’s number.

            “Oh, how fucking nice of you to answer!” Zayn nearly yelled.

            “Sorry, I was talking to Harry,” Louis said.

            “What?” Zayn asked,

            “I’m in Sheffield with Harry,” Louis said.

            “Why?”

            “Because his songs got to me. And we needed to talk about some things,” Louis mumbled.

            “Are you back together?” Zayn asked excitedly.

            “No! I don’t know what’s going to happen. We’re just talking about things right now,” Louis sighed. “There’s a lot to talk about.”

            “But you’re okay though?” Zayn asked.

            “Yeah, I think so. I feel a little lighter. I’m not so stressed and depressed and it feels good to be with him right now, so we’ll see what happens. It’s just the trust thing, Zayn. Even if I want to be with him again… I don’t know if I’ll be able to trust him,” Louis voiced his concerns.

            “Well it’s good that you’re talking right now. You guys can work things out, if you want to. Take it slow and see how you feel,” Zayn said.

            “Yeah, that’s what I’m doing now. I spent so long listening to my head, telling me I’d never forgive him, and things were over. But I was depressed for seven years, and I’m sick of that. And now I actually feel good being around him again. It’s like a breath of fresh air, and part of me feels guilty for feeling that way, but you know what? Fuck it. I want to be happy, and it’ll take a while, but I think this is what I need to do,” Louis said.

            “Good,” Zayn said, with an obvious smile in his voice. “Be as crazy as you were when you were eighteen and nineteen, okay? That was a really good time for you guys.”

            “Yeah, it was good. I’ll try,” Louis laughed. “I’m a lot older now which freaks me out, you have no idea.”

            “Tell me about it,” Zayn laughed. “Three of us are married and two of us have kids… Shit, Lou.”

            “Don’t even go there,” Louis groaned. “We’re not thirty yet, so we’re still good.”

            “Yeah, alright. I’ve got to go, mate. Keep me updated, okay?” Zayn said.

            “You’ve got it. Call Liam and Niall for me before they freak out,” Louis laughed.

            “Will do. Talk to you later,” Zayn said just before he hung up.

            Louis sighed and rested his head on the back of the couch as he tried not to over think what he was doing. He’d spent so long swearing that he’d never even look at Harry again, and now he was here in Harry’s dressing room, waiting for him to be done with sound check.

            Harry came back about twenty minutes after Louis hung up with Zayn, and he curled up on the opposite end of the couch with his back against the armrest so he was facing Louis. “Hi,” Harry mumbled, flopping his head on the side, resting against the back of the couch.

            “Hey,” Louis smiled.

            “I have to go do meet and greet now, then we have some time before the show starts. We can order food if you want,” Harry shrugged.

            “Sounds good,” Louis nodded.

            “Okay,” Harry smiled softly as he groaned and got up again.

            “Harry,” Louis called quickly, just before Harry walked out of the room.

            “Hm?”

            Louis hesitated for a second before he got up and quickly walked over to Harry, watching his face before he wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist and hugged him. Harry relaxed and wrapped his arms around Louis’ shoulders, holding Louis close to him. Louis buried his face into Harry’s chest and squeezed him tightly, smiling when Harry held him closer. “See you soon,” Louis mumbled, pulling away.

            Harry pulled away and tentatively brushed Louis fringe back. “Yeah,” Harry smiled before he left again.

            Louis smiled as he walked around the dressing room, and it was so typically  _Harry_. There was a bowl of fruit, bottles of water and chargers for his phone and laptop lying around. It looked familiar, and it was comforting. He was worried about the fact that so much time had passed by, but so far, Harry seemed basically the same. He was still in love with the fans, and he loved singing. It was what he was born to do- both he and Louis had always known that. So on one hand, things were weird because it had been so many years since they saw each other but on the completely, much bigger hand, things almost felt normal. Harry was still Harry, and Louis was still Louis. He just wondered if they could still be HarryandLouis.

            Harry wasn’t at the meet and greet for too long, but he came back with food for he and Louis, who were able to talk more lightly about normal things. They weren’t burdened with thoughts about what had happened and unanswered questions. They talked about Harry’s career and Harry’s music and funny stories that Harry had always been dying to tell Louis. Louis’ worries about them having changed were put to rest almost immediately. They still clicked, they still knew each other better than anyone else, and when Louis let himself go, he knew they loved each other just as much as they did at the best time in their relationship.

            “You going to come watch from back stage?” Harry asked as he started getting dressed when his opening act started finishing up.

            “Of course. Just don’t make me cry with any of your songs,” Louis said.

            “I’ll try not to,” Harry grinned.

            Louis rolled his eyes and followed Harry over to the stage where the crowd was chattering loudly. “Give ‘em a good show,” Louis winked.

            Harry smiled and nodded, before he grabbed his mic and walked out on stage. The entire show was so typically Harry, and Louis couldn’t help but to smile through the whole thing. Harry looked so happy, and Louis was glad. It was simple, yet fun, and Harry interacted with a lot of the crowd. Harry sang a few songs Louis knew from the CD he gave him, but he pulled through it without crying. Harry sounded even more emotional when he sang them, and Louis couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face when Harry glanced over at him. Fifteen songs in, and Harry bid the crowd goodbye, before he ran over to Louis who handed him a water bottle.

            “Thanks,” Harry smiled, slightly out of breath. “Gotta go do encore in a minute.”

            “Okay,” Louis nodded.

            “You good?” Harry asked.

            “Yeah, I’m really good. You sound great,” Louis smiled. “It’s good to hear you sing again.”

            Harry smiled and drank the last of the water bottle. “Two more songs, then I’m done,” Harry promised.

            “It’s fine!” Louis laughed. “Go sing.”

            Harry winked before he walked out again, and the crowd started cheering louder than they had all night. “I can honestly say this has been my favorite show this tour,” Harry said, and the crowd screamed. “I mean it. From the bottom of my heart, I thank each and every single one of you for being here. You don’t know what it means to me,” Harry glanced over at Louis. “I hope I haven’t let any of you down. Let’s do just two more songs, yeah?” The crowd screamed and Harry went into two more songs that Louis hadn’t heard before, but he loved immediately.

            When he was done, he spent a good amount of time waving to the fans and saying goodbye before he finally walked off the stage and met Louis again. “Great show,” Louis smiled.

            “Thanks,” Harry grinned. “Come on, we’ve got to get back to the hotel quickly.”

            Louis nodded and followed Harry out to the car that quickly took them to the hotel. The drive was short and once they got there, they were quickly led inside and up to Harry’s room. “You okay?” Louis asked when they got back, and Harry was anxiously walking around the room.

            “Yeah, just adrenaline. I’m gonna hop in the shower, and I’ll be out soon,” Harry said.

            “Yeah, go ahead,” Louis nodded. When Harry walked into the bathroom, Louis opened his phone and read a text from Zayn.

_Anything happen yet?_

He rolled his eyes before he responded.

             _No. Slow, remember? Now stop bugging me you twat._

            Harry came out a few minutes later with shorts on and his hair wet. “Feel better?” Louis asked.

            “Loads,” Harry grinned before he flopped on the bed next to Louis. “I really fucking missed you.”

            Louis sighed and couldn’t help himself as he reached over to brush Harry’s wet fringe from the side of his face. “I missed you too,” Louis mumbled as he thumbed at one of Harry’s dimples.

            Harry closed his eyes as Louis ran his fingers through Harry’s hair, occasionally running them down to trace his cheeks or dimples. “Louis?” Harry asked quietly.

            “Hm?” Louis hummed.

            “Can I kiss you?” Harry asked.

            Louis pulled his hand back and looked at Harry, while he chewed on his bottom lip. “Yeah,” Louis whispered, tugging on Harry’s hands until he was sitting up.

            Harry was hesitant as he cupped Louis’ neck and brushed his thumb along Louis’ cheek, before he closed his eyes and leaned in so he could feel Louis breathing against his lips. He waited until Louis suddenly closed the gap and pressed their lips together, resting one of his hands on Harry’s waist, and twisting the other in his hair.

            Harry gasped into the kiss and Louis whined as they moved their lips in sync, just like they always had. The kiss was familiar, and it felt like it had been hours since their last kiss, rather than years. Louis tightened his grip in Harry’s hair and sucked on his bottom lip, before he pulled away, leaving both boys breathless. “Fuck, I missed that,” Harry mumbled.

            Louis groaned but nodded. “Yeah, me too.”

            Harry eyed Louis questioningly before he leaned in and pressed another chaste kiss to his lips, though he left his hands in Louis’ hair. “I missed you.”

            “Harry I missed you too, but like…we can’t just pick up where we left off when things were good, okay? You’re going to have to be understanding and give me space and time if I need it, because I’m still really hesitant,” Louis said.

            Harry nodded quickly. “Of course!”

            “The only thing I’m sure about is that I still love you, so that’s what I’m working off of,” Louis sighed.

            “That’s good,” Harry smiled.

            “So we’re gonna go slow, okay?” Louis asked.

            “Yeah, that’s good. Whatever you want, okay?” Harry said.

            Louis sighed and nodded, before he pulled his shirt over his head and pulled his jeans off. “It’s been a long day,” He groaned, getting under the covers of Harry’s large hotel bed.

            “Yeah, it has,” Harry agreed, turning off the lamp and getting under the blankets.

            Louis leaned over and placed a soft kiss to Harry’s cheek. “G’night.”

            “Night,” Harry smiled. Louis rolled on his side with his back to Harry, eventually moving closer to the middle of the bed until Harry rolled over and threw an arm around Louis’ waist and held him to his chest. “Sleep well,” Harry whispered into Louis’ hair, pressing a soft kiss to the back of Louis’ head, letting Louis drift off to sleep with a smile on his face.

            Louis woke up the next morning to a cold empty bed and he frowned while he pried his eyes open and looked around the room. Harry wasn’t anywhere to be found, so Louis pulled a blanket off the bed and wrapped it around himself as he opened the bedroom door. He heard Harry on the couch chuckling while he talked on the phone.

            “No, just rumors. I’m not dating him,” Harry said. Louis’ heart clenched stupidly as he stood in the doorway, leaning against the wall as Harry continued talking on the phone. “Yeah, the tour is going great so far.  The show last night was incredible. Thanks to anyone who came out.”

            Louis furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he finally walked out into the room, and Harry caught his eye. He smiled at Louis, and pressed his finger to his lips, telling Louis to be quiet. Louis sat on the couch next to Harry and nodded.

            “Well I’m always writing. It’s just one of those things, but I’m more focused on the tour right now than doing another album,” Harry said. Harry looked at Louis apologetically and mouthed, “interview” before it clicked and Louis nodded.

            He got up and carried his blanket into the small kitchen of the suite where he put on the kettle and made two cups of tea, putting sugar in one for Harry before he walked back to the couch and handed Harry his tea. Harry smiled and kissed Louis on the temple before he answered a few more questions, and talked to the radio host for a little while longer. As soon as he hung up, Louis opened the blanket and Harry wrapped it around both of them, pulling Louis into his arms.

            “Hi,” Harry mumbled.

            “Hm,” Louis hummed tiredly.

            “Still not a morning person,” Harry chuckled.

            “Never will be,” Louis grunted.

            “You should have stayed in bed,” Harry said.

            “’s cold and empty,” Louis mumbled.

            “Sorry, I had a couple of radio interviews to do over the phone. I’m done for the day though, then we’re off to Leeds tomorrow,” Harry said.

            Louis hummed and nodded as he rested his head against Harry’s shoulder. “What does the rest of your tour look like?”

            “Three more weeks here and Ireland, then I have a couple of weeks off before I go to Europe for a month,” Harry sighed. “Then I was thinking about taking a little break for a while. I was in the states last month, and I think I just need some down time.”

            Louis nodded. “That might be nice.”

            “Yeah, I think it will be. The next few days are going to be busy though. I’ve got Leeds, then Manchester and Liverpool, then I’m going up to Newcastle and Glasgow. The traveling days are pretty boring when I don’t have people to kill time with,” Harry mumbled.

            “Yeah, but you were always cut out for this. More so than any of the rest of us,” Louis smiled. “You’re good at it.”

            “Thanks. It’s still hard though. The other boys are married, and Liam and Zayn have kids, and it’s just… Like, I love what I’m doing, but I’m twenty-seven now, and I still haven’t really had a proper life yet. That’s why I just want a bit of a break,” Harry sighed.

            “Yeah, trust me, I get it. Like I said, it might be nice to get a break,” Louis said.

            “Lou will you come to Leeds with me?” Harry asked quickly, and Louis knew the question must have been building up inside of him.

            “I was out of my flat in less than twenty minutes when I decided to come here. I didn’t really pack to stay long, Haz,” Louis sighed.

            Harry let out a small gasp at the nickname that he’d gone so many years without hearing. Tears suddenly stung his eyes at the familiarity of so many things and how much he’d fucked up both he and Louis’ lives.

            “Harry?” Louis asked, panicking at Harry’s sudden emotional outburst. “Babe, what’s wrong?”

            Harry shook his head and covered his eyes, though he was shaking and crying uncontrollably. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Louis. I fucked so many things up and we should be fucking married by now, and we might even have kids, but I fucked everything up and I’m so, so sorry.”

            Louis sighed and straddled Harry, cupping Harry’s face in his hands and he thumbed his tears away. “Harry, look at me.”

            Harry shook his head and refused to look anywhere in Louis’ direction. “I fucked up. I fucked up so badly and I can’t ever be sorry enough. I love you so much and I hate what I did to you and I missed you so-”

            Louis cut him off by kissing Harry hard on the mouth, wiping his tears away as he carded his hands though Harry’s hair, trying his best to soothe him. Harry gasped into the kiss and held on to Louis’ hips as he kissed him back, letting Louis control the kiss until they were breathless and panting into each other’s mouths. Louis knotted his fingers in Harry’s hair and kissed him chastely one, two, three more times before he pulled away and looked Harry in the eyes.

            “A fresh start, yeah? Don’t think about what could be, because we’ll never know. Let’s just focus on us right now, okay?” Louis asked. Harry nodded. “I’d love to come to Leeds with you, but I’ve got to go back to my flat and get some things, okay?”

            “Can I come?” Harry asked.

            “Yeah,” Louis nodded, pulling Harry off the couch with him, before he wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist and hugged him tightly. Harry relaxed and hugged Louis back, kissing the top of his head.

            They got dressed quickly, sharing a few kisses until they walked down to the lobby, where they met with Harry’s tour manager, Brent. “We’re going to Doncaster, but we’ll be back in a couple of hours. Louis’ coming with us to Leeds.”

            “Do you need a car?” Brent asked.

            “We can take mine, but I’d rather leave it at my flat when we leave,” Louis said.

            “I’ll take one of our cars and we’ll drive separately, then we can drive back together and leave your car there,” Harry shrugged.

            “Yeah, okay. Just follow me,” Louis smiled, kissing Harry softly before they got into separate cars, and left the hotel.

It took them half an hour to get to Louis’ flat, and as soon as they got there, Louis immediately linked their fingers together as he led Harry up to his flat. Louis put his key in and opened the door, leading Harry inside.

            “Lou,” Harry sighed unhappily.

            Louis winced sheepishly as he dumped out his backpack and pulled out the same bag he packed for Niall’s wedding. “I know, I know,” He mumbled.

            “How long have those dishes been in your sink?” Harry asked.

            “You don’t want to know,” Louis laughed.

            “Louis it’s not funny! You can’t treat yourself like shit because you don’t have anyone to impress. I never wanted you to live like this,” Harry said.

            “I know,” Louis whined again. “I’m sorry.” Harry sighed and went to clean Louis’ kitchen while Louis packed his clothes and a few other things. When he walked back out of his room, Harry had completely cleaned his kitchen, and straightened up his living room. “Will you stop cleaning my flat?” Louis laughed.

            “Such a mess,” Harry mumbled.

            “Some things just don’t change,” Louis smirked. “I don’t particularly like this place very much anyway.”

            “How come?” Harry asked.

            “It’s small, and quiet and lonely. I’ve lived here four years and there haven’t necessarily been any good memories made here,” Louis said.

            “We can change that,” Harry raised his eyebrows with a mischievous look on his face.

            “Are you suggesting we make out on my couch like we’re teenagers again?” Louis asked.

            “I didn’t say it; you did,” Harry smirked.

            “Well I think we can arrange that,” Louis smiled, pushing Harry down on the couch before he straddled him and kissed him roughly. Harry sighed into the kiss and held on tightly to Louis’ hips while Louis ran his hands through Harry’s hair, down his neck and shoulders, and back up again. Harry tightened his grip on Louis’ hips, too afraid to touch him anywhere else as they kissed, Louis prying his way into Harry’s mouth and kissed him like he used to. Neither of them had changed much; they still liked the same things, and they still knew what made each other weak. It was comforting, and it was one of the most relieving feelings Louis’d had in years. Harry was kissing him, and holding on to his waist, and sucking on his tongue and Louis couldn’t imagine how he’d gone all these years without it.

            Louis pulled away from Harry’s lips so they could both breathe, but he moved to suck on Harry’s neck softly, biting just behind Harry’s ear, delighting in the moan he got from Harry. “Oh god, Lou,” Harry gasped.

            Louis hummed and continued to suck soft marks into Harry’s neck as Harry trailed his hands up Louis’ back and started rubbing up and down Louis’ sides. Louis started breathing heavier as Harry’s hands started roaming his body, and Harry nipped at his neck. “Harry,” Louis moaned, gasping against Harry’s neck. Harry groaned and pulled Louis’ lips back to his, sucking Louis’ bottom lip into his mouth before Louis pushed his tongue inside of Harry’s mouth, and they both groaned as they subconsciously started grinding against each other. Louis felt both of them getting harder as he forced himself to pull away. “Can’t. Harry, not yet,” Louis mumbled, willing his hard-on to go away.

            “I’m sorry,” Harry apologized.

            “No, it’s fine,” Louis promised, kissing Harry chastely. “We should get going back to Sheffield though.”

            Harry nodded and got off the couch with Louis, carrying his bag so Louis could lock up his flat. They walked down to the car together, before Harry opened up Louis’ door and closed it once Louis was buckled in.

            Forty-five minutes later, they were back in the hotel room, sitting on the couch and flipping through for a movie to watch. They ordered room service and talked while they ate, hardly paying attention to the movie at all. Eventually they got bored and decided to Skype Zayn form Harry’s laptop.

            “Hey,” Zayn grinned when he saw them sitting next to each other.

            “Hey,” Harry waved.

            “Hi,” Louis smiled.

            “How are you guys?” Zayn asked.

            “Good,” Both Louis and Harry said at the same time.

            “Are you together?” Zayn asked, narrowing his eye at them.

            “Well yes, I think we are together right now. We’re in the same room, aren’t we Harry? On the same couch? Yes, I think we are together right now,” Louis smirked.

            “Right you are, Louis,” Harry grinned.

            “You’re both such dicks,” Zayn glared.

            Louis grinned and winked at him through the screen. “Is Jason around?”

            Zayn sighed heavily and called for Jason, who came bouncing up on the computer screen. “Uncle Louis, Uncle Harry!” Jason grinned.

            “Hey kiddo!” Harry grinned.

            “Where are you?” Jason asked.

            “We’re a few hours away from you guys. Uncle Harry has some more shows to do,” Louis smiled.

            “Are you coming back soon?” Jason asked.

            “They were just here!” Zayn said. “Jason, you know how busy Uncle Harry is. They’ll be back when they can.”

            “We promise we’ll be back soon,” Louis said.

            “Uncle Louis, you’ve never been on the computer with Uncle Harry before,” Jason furrowed his eyebrows.

            “Well I’ve never been on tour with him,” Louis smiled.

            “Alright Jason,” Zayn sighed. “Time for bed.”

            Jason pouted but waved at the screen. “Good night Uncle Louis, goodnight Uncle Harry.”

            “Night Jason,” Harry blew him a kiss.

            “Goodnight buddy,” Louis waved.

            “Perrie’s out with the girls so I have to go put him down and check on Kylie, so I’ll talk to you guys later, okay?” Zayn said.

            “Yeah. Bye!” They both waved before they closed Harry’s laptop.

            “So what do you generally do on your days off?” Louis asked.

            Harry shrugged. “I go out sometimes, but honestly, not as much as I used to. It gets really boring. I sleep a lot, skype home, write music…”

            Louis nodded and sighed, curling up under Harry’s arm. “I really missed you. Like, just being with you, ya know? I haven’t really breathed in years.”

            “Tell me about it,” Harry sighed. “It’s been so bad. I kept waiting to get over you, just to get over everything, but I never did. I never felt better.”

            “Yeah, I didn’t either. Every fucking night, I’d go to bed and think ‘Tomorrow’s the day. Tomorrow, you’ll wake up, and it’ll be better.’ But no, it never happened. I think I might have come found you anyway. Even if I hadn’t gone back to London to see the rest of the boys, and it wouldn’t be for a long time, but eventually, I know I’d have come found you again. I should have done it sooner, but I’m just glad it happened now,” Louis said quietly.

            “You always said that no matter what, you’d find me. I always believed you and even after we broke up, I still hoped you would, but I never expected you to. I didn’t know how you could,” Harry whispered, and Louis could hear the tears in his voice again. “Louis I swear, if you let me, I’ll make it all up to you. I’ll never hurt you again, and I’ll do whatever you ask me to do. If you honestly give us another chance, I swear I won’t fuck it up again.”

            “Hey,” Louis soothed, placing a kiss to Harry’s upper arm where his ship was still inked into Harry’s skin. “That’s what I’m doing here now, innit?”

            “Are you?” Harry asked, afraid of labeling anything and scaring Louis off.

            Louis took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. We’re giving us another shot.”

            “God Lou, thank you so fucking much,” Harry gasped, tears stinging his eyes as he cupped the back of Louis’ neck and kissed him. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Harry mumbled into Louis’ lips over and over again.

            Louis smiled into the kiss and ran his fingers through Harry’s hair again. “I missed you,” He mumbled.

            “I missed you too. So, so fucking much, I can’t believe you’re giving me another chance after all this time. Fuck Louis, I’m so happy,” Harry smiled.

            “Hey, it’s okay,” Louis soothed. “It’ll be okay.”

            Harry nodded and rested against Louis, until they were uncomfortable and it was getting late, so Louis pulled them into the bedroom. “We have to leave by like ten tomorrow.”

            “Okay,” Louis nodded, crawling under the covers and grabbing his phone. “They’d kill us if they weren’t the first to know,” Louis mumbled, pulling together a group text to Liam, Zayn and Niall.

             _Okay, it’s official. We’re working things out together. But we’re going to sleep now so don’t bombard us with texts. We’ll talk to you tomorrow. xx_

Harry chuckled as he read the text, and Louis plugged his phone in before he rolled over to face Harry. “Hi,” Louis whispered.

            “Hey,” Harry smiled.

            Louis smiled and closed his eyes, linking one of his legs between Harry’s. Harry smiled and tugged Louis closer until they were completely wrapped up in each others arms and legs. “Night,” Louis whispered, pressing his lips to Harry’s shoulder.

            “Goodnight, love,” Harry whispered back, kissing Louis’ forehead before they both drifted off to sleep.

            The next few days drifted into weeks, and Louis stayed on tour with Harry. He planned on going home after Leeds, but after that it was just ‘one more day’ and after having spent so much time apart, Louis couldn’t think of one legitimate reason he should leave. So he went with Harry to Ireland, and he finished up Harry’s UK part of the tour.

            Harry had three weeks off after that, the first of which he was going home to see his family. He begged Louis to come with him, but Louis simply kissed him and said that Harry needed time with his family, as Louis needed time with his.

            They hadn’t told their families they were back together yet- that was something they wanted to do in person, so they planned on doing that too. After that, they were meeting in Nottingham to spend a week together, before they went to London together to stay at Harry’s flat and spend time with friends there.

            What neither of them honestly were prepared for, was how hard their first week apart would be. They’d spent the last month together, and they’d spent time apart in their relationship before, but honestly, this was the hardest separation. Harry worried it wouldn’t last. He was scared Louis would change his mind and not come back. Louis, as much as he tried to force himself to think otherwise, was terrified of Harry sleeping with someone else. He felt incredibly guilty for worrying about that, but honestly, that was still something he had trouble with. He really did believe that Harry was still in love with him, but hadn’t he been in love with him when he slept with Nick? But no, they were older, and much more mature now. He knew Harry wouldn’t do that, but he still couldn’t help the nerves running throughout his body.

            They’d been apart for five days when Louis broke down on the floor of his flat and he called Harry in tears. “Louis, are you okay? Why are you crying? Baby talk to me,” Harry pleaded.

            “I need to see you,” Louis cried.

            “Fuck. Honey, I know. Just two more days, okay? Two more days and we can see each other again,” Harry promised.

            “Do you still love me?” Louis asked, feeling childish.

            “ _Yes_ , Lou. I love you so much. I never stopped, remember? I love you more now than I did when we were teenagers. I love you so, so fucking much, okay?” Harry said fiercely.

            “Okay,” Louis mumbled.

            “Where are you?” Harry asked.

            “On the floor, leaning against the back of my couch,” Louis said through his tears.

            “Do you want to go to bed, and I’ll stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep?” Harry asked.

            “No, it’s fine,” Louis said, wiping the tears from his face.

            “Baby I don’t want you to be upset. Talk to me. Please tell me why you’re crying?” Harry begged.

            “It’s stupid,” Louis mumbled.

            “It’s not. Tell me, Lou,” Harry said.

            “No, don’t worry about it. I’m fine. I’m just going to take a shower and go to bed, but I’ll see you in a couple of days,” Louis said, voice shaky as he said goodbye and hung up the phone. 

            Louis sat on the floor for nearly another hour before he finally forced himself to get up and take a shower. He spent a good twenty minutes in the shower before he got out, put some boxers on, and went to go make himself some tea. He was sitting on the counter, definitely not thinking about what Harry could be up to, drinking his tea, when he heard a heavy knock on his door.

            He quickly went to go answer it, and he almost started crying again when Harry immediately took him into his arms. “You’re here,” Louis gasped, hugging Harry tightly.

            “I was worried about you, and I missed you like crazy,” Harry mumbled.

            Louis pulled Harry into his flat and over to the couch, where he sat in Harry’s lap as Harry held him. “I missed you too,” Louis said.

            “Are you going to tell me why you were crying?” Harry asked.

            Louis thought about it and felt even guiltier because he was imagining the worst- he was picturing Harry sleeping with another guy, when in reality, Harry was missing him so much that he drive to Doncaster just to see Louis. “No,” Louis shook his head.

            “Lou, you can tell me anything. You know that,” Harry said.

            “It’s not fair,” Louis mumbled.

            “It’s okay. I want you to tell me, yeah? We’ve got to be honest with each other, and we have to communicate better,” Harry said.

            Louis sighed, because Harry was right. That was something they both said they’d do, and he couldn’t lie just to spare Harry’s feelings right now. “I know I was wrong, and I feel so guilty for thinking it, but I couldn’t stop thinking that you’d sleep with someone else,” Louis whispered.

            He felt Harry physically flinch at his words, and it made him want to cry. “I understand. It’s okay.”

            “No it’s not,” Louis said. “You came here because I was upset and that should be proof enough. There’s just this one, tiny, stupid part of my brain that won’t let me forget it. I tell myself that I know you love me, and that tiny part says ‘He loved you last time’ and I don’t want to doubt, but I can’t help it. I’m trying so hard to trust you and make things completely better again, but-”

            “It takes time. I know that, and honestly, I get it. I’ll wait for as long as it takes, and I’ll try so hard to get your trust back. I love you, and that’s obviously never going to go away. I’m just gad that you’re giving us another chance,” Harry said.

            “I know it’s not fair to you though. Since we saw each other again, you’ve been nothing but good to me, and I know things have changed. I promise, I’ll get over it though,” Louis said.

            “Just take your time, love. It’ll all be okay,” Harry promised.

            “I saw you five days ago and I can’t believe how much I’ve missed you,” Louis sighed.

            “Yeah, I know. I missed you so fucking much,” Harry said.

            “You wanna go to bed?” Louis asked,

            “Mhmm,” Harry hummed, letting Louis pull him off the couch, kissing him long and hard, before they went to Louis’ bed and fell asleep.

            Harry spent the next day with Louis, not doing much other than holding each other and kissing a lot. He helped Louis pack for the next two weeks, then they fell asleep, tangled together, excited for their week together in Nottingham.

            They boarded a train early the next morning and were in Nottingham an hour later. They took a cab to their hotel and went up to their room, enjoying the beautiful view from the balcony. They didn’t go out that day, opting to order room service and spend more time just holding each other, and kissing as much as they wanted.

            Things were easier for them this time around. They weren’t under the stress from their management company. Harry wasn’t nearly as busy as the boys would have been if they were together. They had the time to relax and be with each other, and honestly, it was all Louis had ever wanted.

            “You know I love you, right?” Louis mumbled, kissing Harry’s neck as they played with each others hands, hiding away under the large blanket on their bed.

            Harry smiled and nodded. “Yeah. I love you too. So much, I seriously just can’t believe how happy I am right now. I never thought I’d get this back. I don’t deserve it, but I’m so, so happy.”

            Louis smiled and pulled Harry in for another long, hard kiss, moaning softly when Harry ran his hands up and down Louis’ sides, pulling Louis on top of him so he could control the kiss. Harry groaned when Louis started grinding his hips down into Harry’s, and he kissed Harry filthier than he had since they’d gotten back together. Louis moaned and sucked on Harry’s bottom lip, smiling when Harry’s breathing hitched and he grabbed on to Louis’ hips so he could grind up into Louis.

            “Lou, fuck,” Harry gasped.

            “Haz,” Louis hummed, running his fingers under Harry’s shirt until it was bunched under Harry’s armpits, and Louis had to pull him up so he could throw his shirt off. “Fuck,” Louis groaned, running his lips over the tattoos on Harry’s chest, sides, and down to his arm.

            “Louis,” Harry panted, occasionally bucking his hips up.

            Louis moaned softly and ran his hands down both of Harry’s arms until he linked their fingers together, and pressed Harry’s down into the bed as he trailed his lips along the tattoos on the inside of Harry’s arm. Harry’s breathing hitched as Louis nipped at a spot on the inside of his arm, trailing his lips around to Harry’s ship. He traced his lips and tongue over it, making Harry whimper and squeeze his hands as he sucked a bruise into Harry’s skin there.

            Once Louis had thoroughly traced almost every inch of Harry’s chest, neck, shoulder and arms, he shifted so he could kiss down Harry’s stomach. “Lou, shirt,” Harry whined, tugging at Louis’ clothes. Louis quickly sat up and pulled his shirt off before he resumed kissing down between the birds on Harry’s chest, until he got to the butterfly on his stomach.

            “Love you so much,” Louis mumbled, kissing Harry’s stomach, nipping at the wings of the butterfly before he ran his tongue over it, soothing the mark.

            “Louis, fuck,” Harry groaned.

            Louis could feel Harry’s hard-on pressing against his chest, and he was more than hard in his own pants, but he still wanted to take his time. This was important to him. He slipped his hands in the waistband of the sweatpants Harry was wearing and he quickly pulled them down, sitting between Harry’s knees, so he could kiss Harry’s shaking thighs. He kissed down Harry’s legs, all the way to his ankles where he kissed over Harry’s tattoos there, before he quickly ran his hands up Harry’s legs so he could rest them on Harry’s hips.

            Louis smiled and folded down the waistband of Harry’s boxers so he could lick along the words above Harry’s hip, before he finally pulled Harry’s boxers down. He could see Harry’s incredibly hard dick, tip purple and wet, any under any other circumstances, that’s where he would have immediately turned his attention. But right now, Louis couldn’t take his eyes off the two letters tattooed low on Harry’s hipbone, easily hidden, but still there. Harry had the initials L.T. inked on his hip, and Louis finally drew his eyes away from the tattoo so he could look at Harry.

            “When?” He asked quietly, running his fingers over the two letters.

            “Four years ago,” Harry whispered.

            Tears stung Louis’ eyes as he attached his lips to the letters on Harry’s hip, repeatedly biting and sucking over them, hoping to leave a long lasting bruise. He eventually pulled away when Harry started panting and whining, only to straddle Harry’s hips so he could lean down and kiss him. Harry tangled his hands in Louis’ hair and held him there while Louis sucked Harry’s tongue into his mouth and both boys whined into the kiss when it got messy.

            “You’re wearing too many clothes,” Harry groaned, slipping the tips of his fingers into Louis’ waistband, silently asking for permission to take them off. Louis nodded and arched his hips up so Harry could push his pants and boxers down together, until Louis reached down and completely took them off. Harry ran his fingers over Louis’ body, up and down his chest, back, stomach, arms and shoulders until they weren’t even kissing anymore, just breathing heavily into each other’s mouths.

            Louis knelt on either side of Harry’s hips, propped one arm up next to Harry’s head, and used his other hand to trace Harry’s face and run his fingers through Harry’s fringe. “I love you so much,” Louis panted, kissing Harry again.

            Harry groaned and bucked his hips up, sliding his cock against Louis’ for friction. “Lou, please,” Harry begged.

            Louis kissed him one more time before he nodded and reached off the bed to grab his bag, pulling it closer until he pulled out the bottle of lube and the condoms he’d brought. “Turn over,” Louis mumbled, patting Harry’s hip as he quickly rolled over on his stomach and got on his hands and knees, leaning on his forearms. “Shit, I missed this so much,” Louis groaned, kissing down Harry’s spine as he cupped Harry bum in each of his hands and spread him open. He lightly pressed his thumb to Harry’s rim, which was pink and tight, fluttering under Louis’ touch.

            “Lou,” Harry panted, breathing heavily and trying not to rock back on Louis’ finger. Louis hummed and pressed a kiss to Harry’s entrance, flicking his tongue out, smiling when Harry moaned loudly. He licked over Harry’s hole again, pressing his tongue inside as he held Harry’s hips as he ate Harry out, just as Harry had always liked. He nibbled at his rim, pulling away and puffing warm air over it before he drove his tongue back in, until Harry was chanting incoherent things, and he was coming over the sheets without being touched. “Louis, fuck,” Harry cried, reaching around to wrap a hand in Louis’ hair to hold him in place as he rode out his orgasm.

            “Shit,” Louis groaned, wrapping a fist around his cock to relieve some pressure as Harry fell against the bed, completely boneless. Louis kissed up Harry’s back softly until Harry rolled over and kissed Louis, rolling them both over so he was on top. He kissed down Louis’ body quickly until he was hovering over Louis’ hard cock. “Harry, please,” Louis begged, bucking his hips up until Harry wrapped his lips around him. “Oh, fuck,” Louis moaned loudly, tightening his hands in Harry’s curls as he sucked Louis down, bobbing his head and flicking his tongue around Louis’ dick. Louis was breathing heavily and fisting his hands in Harry’s hair as he continued to work his mouth over Louis, taking him to the back of his throat before he pulled off, placed a kiss to the tip of Louis’ cock, worked the foreskin over the head a few times, before he repeated the process. Louis moaned Harry’s name over and over again until Harry took Louis all the way down, cupped his balls and Louis came with a cry of, “Shit, Harry!”

            Harry swallowed and pulled off Louis’ cock softly until Louis pulled him up and kissed him lazily until they were both boneless and half way passed out. “I love you. Fuck, you have no idea,” Harry mumbled.

            Louis smiled and pulled Harry even closer into his side. “I love you too.” Harry smiled and kissed Louis’ chest before they fell asleep almost at the same time.

            When Louis woke up a few hours later, it was still light outside, but all he could focus on was Harry’s hard-on against his hip. He was already half-hard himself and all it took was a whimper form Harry in his sleep, to get Louis completely worked up again. “Babe,” He mumbled, kissing Harry’s shoulder.

Harry whined in his sleep and started grinding against Louis’ hip again, and Louis groaned loudly, before he rolled Harry onto his back. “Lou,” Harry whimpered in his sleep.

“Baby wake up,” Louis almost whined as he grabbed the bottle of lube. He leaned down and kissed Harry, prying his mouth open until he felt Harry groan softly and wrap his fingers in Louis’ hair. Louis smiled and pulled away from the kiss. “You were having a wet dream and you got me so hard, love,” Louis moaned, opening the lube and spreading it on his fingers.

Harry gasped softly as Louis pressed one slick finger inside of him, with little resistance, still slightly stretched from Louis’ tongue just a few hours earlier. “Louis, feels so good,” Harry panted, rocking his hips down until Louis pressed a second finger inside. Louis gave Harry a minute to adjust before he started scissoring his two fingers, pressing them in and out quickly until Harry was begging for more. Louis gave in and pressed a third finger inside and Harry gasped, fisting the sheets as Louis started pumping them. “Fuck,” Harry cried out as Louis felt his fingers brush Harry’s prostate, and Harry’s cock twitched against his stomach. “Louis, please, come on, I’m ready,” Harry begged.

“Give me a condom,” Louis grunted.

Harry reached for one, but stopped once he grabbed it. “You’re the only person I’ve never used one with, so I don’t need it, unless you want to.”

“God, no,” Louis groaned. “Same, babe. Just you.” Harry smiled as he dropped the condom and Louis leaned down to kiss him as he spread lube over his cock. Louis pulled away from the kiss as he grabbed his dick and ran the head over Harry’s puffy hole a few times, groaning each time it caught on Harry’s rim, until Harry begged for more, and Louis finally started pressing himself inside.

“Shit,” Harry gasped, squeezing Louis’ forearm as Louis pressed slowly inside of him until he bottomed out, and Harry was panting heavily. “Fuck,” Harry panted, closing his eyes as he waited to adjust.

“You okay, love?” Louis mumbled, trying to control himself so he wouldn’t hurt Harry.

Harry nodded and forced himself to relax as he shifted his hips and sighed. “You can move,” He mumbled, opening his eyes again and focusing on Louis.

Louis smiled down at Harry and leaned down to kiss him as he started rocking his hips in and out of Harry, slowly but thoroughly. “Fuck,” Louis moaned into Harry’s neck as he started fucking into him faster, and Harry started breathing heavier.

“Lou, shit,” Harry gasped as Louis brushed against his prostate and kept the angle up, hitting it repeatedly. “Fuck fuck fuck, Louis,” Harry cried, raking his nails down Louis’ back.

“Harry,” Louis gasped, thrusts becoming sloppier as Harry clenched around him. Louis quickly reached a hand between them and wrapped his fingers around Harry’s cock, pumping him as quickly as he could as he continued to fuck into him, brushing his prostate.

“Louis!” Harry nearly screamed as he clenched around Louis and came on his stomach and Louis’ fist, thick white ropes of cum staining his chest.

“Fuck,” Louis gasped as he bit down on Harry’s neck and reached his high, coming inside of Harry for what felt like forever, until he collapsed on top of him, without pulling out.

There was sweat and cum between their bodies, and they were both panting heavily but neither of them cared in that moment. “Louis,” Harry hummed contently.

“Love you,” Louis mumbled, kissing the mark he bit into Harry’s neck before he pulled his soft dick out of Harry, both of them wincing at their sensitivity.

They laid there in the bed, Louis nearly lying on top of Harry as they came down from their highs, tracing patterns into each other’s skin. “Shower?” Harry finally asked.

Louis sighed and nodded as they both got out of bed, and stumbled into the bathroom. Harry reached in to turn the water on, pulling Louis in with him once it was warm enough. Louis kissed Harry’s chest as he wiped the cum off Harry’s stomach, and Harry hummed contently. “Turn around,” Louis said, waiting for Harry to turn around before he rubbed Harry’s thighs and arse, carefully dipping his fingers inside of Harry’s sensitive, completely fucked out rim until he cleaned him out. Harry winced uncomfortably, but as soon as Louis was done he spun Harry back around and dropped to his knees, sucking on the tip of Harry’s dick, playing with his balls until Harry was hard again.

“Lou,” Harry sighed as Louis wrapped his lips around Harry’s cock and started sucking on him, playing with his balls with one hand and pumping the rest of Harry’s dick with his other. Harry ran his fingers through Louis wet hair, humming as he got closer to his orgasm. Louis pulled off and sucked Harry’s balls in his mouth before he licked from the base of his cock to the tip, quickly swallowing Harry down again. “Gonna come,” Harry panted. Louis dropped one hand down to fist over his own dick as he took Harry deeper into his mouth and Harry’s fist hit the side of the shower wall as he came down Louis’ throat.

Louis swallowed, just as Harry pulled him off his knees and pinned Louis against the side of the shower, smacking Louis’ hand away form his own cock so Harry could wrap his around him. “H, fuck,” Louis whined, bucking his hips up. Harry squeezed Louis’ balls with his other hand as he kissed Louis until Louis was whining into his mouth and coming between them, all evidence immediately washed away by the water. “Shit,” Louis sighed, resting his forehead against Harry’s chest while Harry rubbed his hands over Louis soothingly until he came down from his climax.

Harry cupped Louis’ neck in his hands, thumbs resting on Louis’ cheeks as they looked each other in the eyes. “I love you so much.”

Louis smiled and pressed his lips to Harry’s softly. “I love you too.”

Harry grinned and they finished their shower, washing each other’s hair and bodies, until they went to the couch and sat there together, naked, watching a movie while they enjoyed the time they had together.

The rest of their week in Nottingham passed pretty much the same way. They hardly left the hotel room, too busy ravishing each other all over again as they fell into an old routine.

When they finally checked out, they went to the train station and arrived in London a few hours later. Zayn was supposed to pick them up, but it wasn’t much of a surprise when Liam and Niall were there as well, all three of them grinning ridiculously wide.

“So how’s it going?” Liam grinned.

“Great! We spent the week in Nottingham fucking each other senseless. You want more details?” Louis asked brightly.

Liam wrinkled his nose, but his smile hardly faltered. “Shut up. We’re just happy.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get out of here before my boy gets bombarded with paps or fans,” Louis said, following the boys out to the car, hand never leaving Harry’s.

“So how long are you here?” Zayn asked.

“A week. Then I’ve got a month in Europe,” Harry said.

“Are you going with him, Lou?” Niall asked.

“Yeah,” Louis nodded.

“Good,” Liam grinned.   
Louis rolled his eyes, “So Haz and I were talking, and we were going to come out as a couple. People were right about us all those years ago, and they need to know that.”

“Yeah, that’s good. How are you going to do it?” Liam asked.

“Well Harry’s got an interview to do over the phone today and he’s going to tell them about us, then we’ll kind of explain things after that. People will probably be asking a bunch of questions and stuff so we’ll just answer them honestly,” Louis said.

“It’s just that we don’t have to hide this time, so we’re not going to. Whatever happens, happens, and we’ll be fine with it,” Harry said.

“Sounds like what you guys always deserved,” Zayn said.

“Yeah,” Louis smiled.

Harry held Louis close to him in the back seat of the car as Zayn drove them to Harry’s place. They pulled up to a gate, where Zayn typed in a number, before he pulled inside and Louis looked around at the nice flats. Zayn pulled up to one, and they boys helped Louis and Harry carry their bags inside, before they gave them quick hugs and they left.

“This is nice,” Louis said as he looked around the flat.

Harry shrugged. “Yeah, but it’s never really been a home. Just a place to stay when I’m in town if I’m not with friends.”

Louis nodded in understanding while Harry took him on a tour of the flat, showing him both floors, before they sat on the couch, and Harry had to dial in for his interview. Harry put the phone on speaker, so Louis could hear both sides of the conversation.

“Hey, Harry,” The DJ said. “We’ll be on live soon, hang on for just a minute, okay?”

“Sounds good. Hey Dan, can you do me a favor?” Harry asked.

“Sure thing,” Dan said.

“You can ask me about relationships. I’ve got something I want to say,” Harry said, smiling at Louis.

“Of course, mate. Sounds good. Hang on for me,” Dan said.

Harry waited for a minute, in which Louis used to scoot closer to Harry so they were pressed side-to-side, holding hands. “I love you,” Louis whispered.

“Love you too,” Harry whispered back, kissing Louis quickly on the lips, before he heard the other line come back on.

“And here we are live now, with the one and only Harry Styles, how are you, mate?” Dan asked.

“I’m very well, thanks Dan. How are you?” Harry asked.

“I’m well, thank you. So Harry, you’ve had a couple of weeks off now, and you’re getting ready to start on the European leg of you’re tour next week. Are you excited?” Dan asked.

“Yeah, I can’t wait for this part of the tour. It’s been good to have some time off but I really want to get around Europe,” Harry said.

“The tour’s been going well for you so far?” Dan asked.

“Yeah, it’s been incredible. We started in North America, and I spent a lot of time in the States, which was amazing. Then of course it was great to play back at home. It’s been amazing. The crowds have been incredible,” Harry said.

“So Harry, I’ve got to ask. Is there anyone special in your life?” Dan asked.

“Yeah, actually, there is,” Harry smiled, squeezing Louis’ hand.

“Oh really? Care to tell us who has taken you off the market?” Dan questioned.

“Yeah, sure, um. You remember Louis Tomlinson?” Harry asked.

“The strapping young lad from your band. How could I forget?” Dan joked.

“Yeah,” Harry laughed. “That’s who.”

“Harry, I think there are a lot of people freaking out right about now,” Dan laughed. “How long has this been going on?”

“We’ve been back together for almost two months now,” Harry said.

“Back together? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought I remembered you being asked about him, after you came out of the closet, and you said you were just friends,” Dan said, not unkindly at all, and both Louis and Harry were glad he was so relaxed about this.

Louis gave Harry a quick nod. “Well I don’t want to get too much into our relationship, but that was a bit of a lie. I felt awful, but I wasn’t in a position where I could say anything then. Louis and I were together from the very beginning. We started dating back on X-Factor, and that went until the end of our third tour. We stopped seeing each other before the stadium tour, the year the band broke up. And now we’re back together.”

“Well that is very interesting. Thanks for sharing that with us. I think we’re actually running out of time, but Harry, thank you so much for calling in, and I hope you get some rest before you finish the last part of your tour!” Dan said.

“Thank you so much,” Harry said, before he hung up, and took a deep breath of relief.

“So,” Louis said, sighing heavily. “We’re out.”

Harry laughed and pulled Louis in for a deep kiss. Louis moaned into Harry mouth and straddled him immediately, kissing Harry messily as Harry ran his hands down to cup Louis’ bum. Louis ground his hips dirtily into Harry’s, smirking when Harry nearly growled into Louis’ mouth. “You’re sinful,” Harry mumbled.

“Am not,” Louis gasped as Harry started rutting his hips up to meet Louis’ thrusts. “Fuck,” Louis groaned, palming Harry through his pants, fingers easily tracing Harry’s erection. Harry bit down Louis’ neck as Louis unbuttoned Harry’s pants and pulled his cock out from the top of his boxers so he could start pumping him quickly, as he kept rutting against Harry.

“Louis,” Harry whined, unbuttoning and unzipping Louis pants so he could push them down. He grabbed Louis’ cock with one hand, spreading the pre-cum around as he started working his hand over Louis, using his other hand to slip in the back of Louis’ boxers and knead his fingers into Louis’ arse.

“Fuck,” Louis gasped, pumping Harry’s cock quickly and pushing his other hand up Harry’s shirt to rub his fingers over Harry’s nipples.

“Shit,” Harry gasped, arching his chest into Louis’ touch. Harry quickly pulled Louis’ hand off his dick before he pressed their cocks together and took them both in one of his hands as he pumped them quickly.

“Harry,” Louis whined, pushing Harry’s shirt up and running both hands over Harry’s nipples, pinching and squeezing at them as Harry worked his hand quicker over them. “So close,” Louis gasped, rocking his dick against Harry’s until Harry gasped his name and came.

“Lou, fuck,” Harry panted, fucking his cock into his hand, sliding against Louis’, until Louis cried out and came on Harry’s fist and his shirt.

“Harry,” Louis whined, riding out his high until Harry stopped pumping both of them, and Louis relaxed against Harry. “Love you.”

“I love you too, honey,” Harry whispered, kissing Louis on the forehead before he carried Louis up to the bedroom. They took a quick shower together, too tired to do anything but help each other get clean, before they collapsed in Harry’s large bed.

“Comfortable,” Louis smiled.

“Yeah,” Harry nodded, rolling over so he could rest his head on Louis chest. “I’m glad you’re coming with me next month. And I’ve decided that I’m taking a break after that. No set dates, nothing forced. Just, whatever happens, happens. I want to enjoy the time we have together, and I want things for us to be normal.”

“That’s sounds really good,” Louis smiled.

            To say that they never fought, would be ridiculous. They were a couple, and of course couples argued. They hardly argued on tour, but after Harry’s tour was done, Louis sold his flat and moved in with Harry in London. They argued about things, and even had a few larger fights, but it never got too bad. If one of them left, they weren’t gone for more than an hour, before they came back and both boys apologized.

            They were both able to handle things much easier now. Louis wasn’t worried that Harry was going to go out and cheat on him anymore; Harry had earned his trust back over the few months they spent together. Although he’d gotten better at it, Louis still had trouble controlling his mouth sometimes. He’d slip up and say something that he really shouldn’t have, and Harry would leave, furious at Louis. But he’d come back, Louis would apologize, and Harry would forgive him.

            They were better at working through things, and as the months went on, they celebrated their birthdays together again. They decided to move out of Harry’s flat and get another house together. It was a place for a fresh start, and new beginnings for them. They moved in, just after they celebrated being back together for a year, and it was happy. They christened every room in the house, and after finally lying in their big bed together, Harry asked Louis to marry him. Louis had kissed him, said yes, then kissed him over and over again.

            Two years to the day, when Louis and Harry had gotten back together, they were standing next to each other, with their friends and families around them, as they said their vows. Louis said, “I do,” with a cheeky wink.

            Harry finished his vows with a watery smile and “I do.”

            They kissed after that, and spent the night talking, dancing and laughing with everyone they loved. “I don’t even care that we were supposed to get married first. We’re married now and that’s all that matters,” Harry mumbled to Louis.

            Louis grinned and kissed him. “I don’t think Niall and Ash plan on having kids yet, so at least we wont be the last to do that.”

            “I don’t know, this adoption thing is taking forever,” Harry groaned.

            “You know what? We have a lovely honeymoon planned that I’d like to get to, so let’s go,” Louis said.

            “People are still here though!” Harry said.

            “Most of them are gone! It’s just the boys and our families. Come on, H,” Louis whined.

            “Fine,” Harry gave in with a smile.

            A few hours later, they were kissing each other and stripping each other of their tuxedo’s as they pushed their way into the honeymoon suite they rented along the beach. When they were finally down to just their boxers, Louis pushed Harry on the bed, and pulled away from kissing him.

            “Guess what?” Louis asked.

            “What?” Harry asked.

            “Jessica from the adoption agency called yesterday. We were approved, and Sarah wants us to have her baby when it’s born,” Louis grinned.

            “What?!” Harry asked, eyes growing huge. “Why didn’t you tell me??”

            “I wanted to tell you tonight! Happy wedding day, baby,” Louis smiled.

            “Louis, fuck,” Harry gasped, pulling Louis in for a heated kiss. Neither of them wasted time getting their boxers off, and Louis wasted no time slipping his fingers into Harry to open him up. Harry was babbling Louis’ name over again as he fisted the sheets, until Louis finally slicked his cock up and pressed inside of Harry.

            “You’re so beautiful, love,” Louis praised, kissing Harry’s forehead.

            “Lou, move, Louis please,” Harry begged.

            Louis groaned and started shifting his hips, thrusting in and out of Harry quickly. Harry kissed Louis and raked his hands up and down Louis’ back as Louis slammed into his prostate. “Love you so much,” Louis mumbled.

            “Love you too, Louis, fuck me, harder, come on,” Harry begged.

            Louis moaned and pressed Harry’s legs up to his chest and he stared slamming into Harry hard, relishing in the sound of his balls slapping against Harry’s arse. “Shit, feels so good, H,” Louis panted.

            “Lou, fuck me,” Harry panted, whining as he started fisting his cock.

            “Come on your stomach for me, Harry,” Louis panted. “I want to see you come, baby. Want to see you come on your chest.”

            “Fuck,” Harry cried as he came, painting his chest and stomach white. “Louis, Louis fuck me, come on! Fill me up, please come in me, want to feel it. Want to feel your come so bad.”

            “Harry, shit,” Louis gasped as he came inside of Harry, fucking into him harshly as he rode out his orgasm, until he slowed down and pulled out. Louis grabbed some tissues from the bedside table and cleaned Harry up, before he kissed Harry and laid down next to him.

            “Can’t believe we’re finally fucking married. And we’re going to be parents,” Harry grinned.

            “I can’t believe it either. I love you so much,” Louis said, kissing Harry again.

            “I love you too; so, so much. Sarah’s only like two months along, right?” Harry asked.

            “Right. So we still have time to get the nursery ready and prepare. We’re gonna be dads,” Louis laughed.

            “I’m so happy. I’m so happy it’s with you, Louis. I wouldn’t want this with anyone else,” Harry mumbled.

            “It’s always been us, babe,” Louis smiled. “And it always will be.”

 


End file.
